Butterflies

Yesterday was a very lazy day. I watched a Jersey Shore marathon all day (while interspersing some cleaning and various other chores), and then the amazingly wonderful Lost series (and season) finale was on! It was a pretty good day.

At one point, I went outside to talk to Randy and to play with the dogs. While I was outside, I saw this beautiful butterfly. It was all black, with a red stripe on the top of it's wings. I immediately thought to myself "My dad would love that!" and told Randy to "Look at how beautiful it is!"

Randy and I continued to talk, and I continued to look at the butterfly, within the next few moments something pretty cool happened. It landed on my toe. That has NEVER happened to me before. Now, my dad really loves butterflies, he used to collect ones, and pin them himself. I even once bought him a few (that the vendor assured me had died of natural causes). When a butterfly lands on you, it means that you have good luck. I am really hoping for some good luck! :)

I just thought it was really cool!

Indecisive

So, I have an interview tomorrow. Is it weird that I have an interview tomorrow and I'm not really sure if I want the job.

What would be better?

- The challenge of following in the footsteps of someone who is a legend?

OR

- Building my own program from (basically) scratch.

I can't stop thinking about it and stressing myself out about it. I feel like I've built these kids up and they love journalism now, and how am I going to walk away from that? How will I do it?

I have told many people that I live my life in a series of "What if's?"

- What if I get this job?
- What will I say?
- What will I tell my students?
- What will I tell my associates? (not really a big concern for me)
- What if I do a bad job? I'm already doing a good job here, we can only continue to keep getting better?
- What if I had the support of the administration?
- What if I worked hard, and created a program that was comparable, without having it been placed in my lap?

I just don't know what to do, and I know that it's too early to even be thinking about it. Honestly, what I HOPE happens is that I go to the interview, do my best and then don't get it. That way I don't have to make the decision.

Who knows what will happen, but I am sure going to be glad when it's over.

I am definitely welcoming ANY and ALL thoughts about this. I really need some advice.


P.S. Oliver is doing MUCH better, his crazy sore, which (if you're my facebook friend) you saw...is healing quite well. Hopefully things will continue to get better and better. :)

Seriously? FML!

So, I've mentioned my dog, Oliver, before. He has had a rough time in the 10 or so months that we have had him--pneumonia, severe pain (cause CONTINUES to be unknown), and now he is having a new, and ever-more disgusting problem.

Yesterday I noticed that one section of his hair was really hard, like water or something had got on it and hardened it. I told Randy and him and I went to a movie, when we returned we decided to investigate what this was. Well, Randy got a bowl of water to wash him, and as he was washing him, large chunks of Oliver's hair started to fall out. Beneath the hair was a large, pink, pus-filled wound. It looked like someone had burned him with something on an area that had a diameter of about 1.5 inches on his back. WTF?? It was so disgusting...like, I have a pretty strong stomach and I needed to leave the room so that I didn't vomit. It doesn't seem to be particularly painful, but it looks absolutely disgusting.

So, once again I need to call the vet and beg them to take us tonight, in order to spend who knows how much money to figure out wtf this is.

So, the question of the day--where do we draw the line here? When do we say enough is enough with the money. He is still on 6 pills per day (4 prednizone and 2 antibiotics), he is constantly in pain (though not every day), I just don't know what the hell to do about him. It's so ridiculous. I don't understand why things like this happen to Randy and I--we try to do the right thing, adopt a dog from the humane society, get an adult dog--not go to some puppy mill or other ridiculous place where you have no idea where they come from and pay their torturers to breed more mistreated, sick dogs. This is our reward apparently...nice, huh?

I'm pissed and I don't know what to do.
That is all.

"I knew who you were when I married you"

These words came out of my husband's mouth yesterday evening. And let me tell you why...I have OCD, seriously, like I really do.

Now, my OCD has gotten much better in all my years, but Randy (as usual) has to deal with the brunt of my idiosyncrasies.

Here's how yesterday went down. Randy called me around 3:40, right around the time that I was just leaving school. I'm always happy/excited when Randy calls me right after school (which is almost every day). I know that's lame, but I always want to talk to him.

Randy: "Hi! Want to go see Iron Man II tonight?"
Me: "What? Tomorrow is date night, why aren't we going then, like we planned?"
Randy: "I have to go to this dinner for work, but then do you want to go right after?"
Me: (while my anxiety is rising, rising, rising...but I know this is a movie that he really wants to see) Uuuhhhh....I guess.
Randy: "Okay, look up the times."
Me: "Okay."

We get off the phone and I look up the times, I'm feeling anxious about the situation already I'm thinking the following: how am I going to get home, let the dogs out, eat dinner, straighten up, and anything else I need/want to do and go see a movie...why does he have to change things around all the time? We had a plan for tomorrow. I have everything all cleared for tomorrow. Wait, what's going on tonight? I'm excited about something...LOST IS ON! Oh...(as I fumble for my phone)

Me: "Hey, we can't go see Iron Man tonight."
Randy: "Why? I really want to go."
Me: "I have to be home for Lost and if I miss one second of it I'm going to jump off a bridge because I'll never understand the show again."
Randy: "I really want to go, can't you get your dad to tape it for you?"
Me: (again the anxiety is building as I'm thinking, "He can tape it, but then I'll have to go over there tonight and watch it, and then I'll go to bed late, which could mean that I could wake up late...and on and on and on). Well, uuuhhhh...I guess. I'll call Ashley.

Hang up phone, call Ashley.

Ashley: "Hey"
Me: "HEY! Do you know how to DVR something?"
Ashley: "No, but dad can."
Me: "Ineedtowatchlostbut randydoesn'tunderstand. Why oh why can't we go see Iron Man II tomorrow, why does he have to do this to me at the last minute?"
Ashley: "Just come and watch it afterwards.
Me: Icantihavetobeawakeforschooltomorrow. I DON'T WANT TO GO! Make sure dad tapes it and that he starts the tape BEFORE 8 and ends it AFTER 9, because if-I-miss-a-single SECOND of it I'll die.
Ashley: Okay, I'll tell him (did I mention that Ashley got her wisdom teeth out yesterday and can hardly speak?)

Hang up with Ashley.

Me: Hey, we can go...I guess.
Randy: WHat's wrong
Me: I just really want to watch Lost
Randy: We can watch Lost after
Me: It will be so late.
Randy: Okay, well we can go tomorrow if you would rather go tomorrow, I just thought it'd be nice to do something tonight.
Me: (elated!) Okay!!

Hang up with Randy, get happy again. Meanwhile, Randy comes home and then I call Ashley

Me: Hey, dad doesn't have to tape Lost
Ashley: You threw a big enough fit that he doesn't want to go anymore?
Me: Pretty much.

Hang up with Ashley, look over at Randy, who is laughing and smiling about what Ashley said.

Me: I'm sorry. Are you mad at me.
Randy: No, I knew who you were when I married you.

Strangely, this did not upset me, or hurt my feelings, but made me feel incredibly happy. Randy and I have been together approximately 1000 years (or 10), and through everything we have tried to really know and understand each other. Randy knows me, and he loves me for who I am--flaws and all. That is a very happy thought.

I know this post is long and pointless, but that's what I'm thinking about.

In Denial

So...did you know it's not summer...yet?

I had a fabulous weekend, it went so well that throughout the weekend there was one fact that I absolutely could not comprehend. I had to go back to work on Monday. What? Friday I went shopping with Chrisanne, which has become somewhat of a ritual (which is good for our waistlines (i.e. no popcorn every Friday night) but bad for our pocketbooks). Saturday I just lounged around the house--watched bad t.v., cleaned and did laundry. Sunday was full of activities. We went to a BBQ at Betty and Mike's house and then to another BBQ at Ryan and Sarah's house.

These barbeque's made it feel like summer. Granted, it was a little bit chilly, but that's how I like it. So, why isn't it summer yet? When we got home last night, Ashley came over to see our kitchen, and chat, and watch an episode of The United States of Tara. This further increased my delusional behavior...Ashley is home...it's summer, right?

Well, when I woke up today. I discovered that is was NOT summer. And I was NOT happy about it. I so did not want to go to sleep at 9:30 last night, and I SO did not want to wake up at 5:30 this morning. It sucked.

However, there are only 25 more calendar days until the end of the year, which I am terribly happy/excited about. Last summer was a really difficult one for me because Randy was gone the entire time, and my car would hardly ever start...this summer is going to be much better (I hope!).

Also, since my relationship with Ryan has been strained lately, I was not looking forward to going to his house yesterday. However, it was awesome. On our way down the street I said, "I wish that Chris was going to be here" and guess who answered the door...? CHRIS! It was awesome! He is so hilarious and Randy and Chris get along so well!

Weekend was great. I hope the school week is (1) good and (2) incredibly fast so that we are on our way to THREE MORE WEEKS of school.

I love my job...no, I'm not being sarcastic.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't jump out of bed every morning screaming and yelling, "I can't wait to go to work!" In fact, it's more like "FML-why do I have to do anything, ever!? Why can't I just lie here in bed with my doggies and watch Saved By the Bell and play Mario all day long? WHY!?" However, I don't necessarily dread going to work (once I'm actually awake) each morning either. Once I get to school, I am not sad to be there...at all. In fact, lots of days I look forward to what I am teaching and how the kids will react.

For example, yesterday was a day that I was dreading (a bit), the yearbook kids were going to stay after (for an undetermined amount of time) to finish their pages that are due...today (nothing like waiting until the last minute, right? My advice for all you teachers and non-teachers alike...get used to procrastination, it appears to be a way of life for today's youth). So, I went to school in a slightly crabby mood. However, it is time for my freshman to do Romeo and Juliet, AKA the BEST 9 weeks of the school year--there's crafts, dancing, plays, movies...it is (seriously) awesome. We are in the midst of doing our progressive play (meaning that of the 4 English 9 teachers--each teacher gets a scene and we perform them in order on different days). This is, by far, my favorite thing to do ALL YEAR. The kids LOVE it (I've never had a 9th grader say that anything BUT the play was their favorite part of the year), I LOVE it, we get to perform a Shakespearean dance, and act out the scene where Romeo and Juliet meet. In my eyes, it can't get any better than that. This is the moment of the year where I (hopefully) open my student's eyes to how wonderful Shakespeare is (or can be). It's why on their end-of-year survey's for my class when I ask them "What should we do more of?" 30-50% write--"Read more Shakespeare!" And it warms my heart.

Whoa, I went a bit off topic there, but anyways...my freshman (14 and 15 year old's--general kids) memorizing, performing and really acting out this scene, and pretty convincingly, are so awesome, that it makes my day better every time we practice the scene.

To make matters even better...my yearbook kids were here from 3-8 and they finished an immense amount of work. They finished 2 of the 3 sections that are due today (and are, as we speak, diligently finishing the 3rd section). These are kids that have not had any sense of structure for 2 years. Their old adviser did not even put deadlines on these kids. In one year, they have managed to pull together the 2009 book and have it in the student's hands before Christmas (even though not ONE page had been ready on the first day of the school year), as well as finish about 75% of their book my today, May 7th. I am so proud of them, and happy that we were able to pull this off.

Looking into the future, I really have some difficult decisions to make. Am I comfortable where I am? Is that why I'm hesitant to leave? OR is it just that I'm happy where I am, and want to build a program here, a place that I've come to love?

So much confusion, so little time!

On another note...I slept REALLY badly last night. I woke up in the middle of the night with a leg cramp, which are the WORST thing on the planet to have. Like writhing and screaming in pain. So, that was fun and I woke up both myself and Randy being a crazy person. Then, there was a thunderstorm, which is fine by me; however, Ella is NOT a fan of thunderstorms. So, she cries and shakes and is just terrified the ENTIRE rest of the night. Then, I had a dream about my car's breaks going out while Ashley and I were driving to the mall, how scary is that? All of this was followed by my crazy dogs refusing to go out this morning, because they are so prissy and can't deal with the rain. What that means for ME, is that I get to go out and stand in the rain with them and wait for them to go the bathroom, while blocking the door. My dogs are SO spoiled, it is genuinely ridiculous.

I have writers-ADD today, so I'm just gonna go with it, but I'm excited to go to the mall with Chrisanne tonight, and excited for the weekend! :) This will be my second weekend full of parties/events on Atkins and I feel much more ready to deal with it and I am EIGHT pounds down as of this morning, so I'm feeling awesome and looking forward to more positive results! :)

Becky

Covered the Same as any other illness

Well, I had to look up something from my insurance company. So, I am browsing through in-network physicians and specifically dermatologists and so I keep flipping back and forth between these two things on my computer and I notice something.

"Pregnancy"

So, of course, I look at it and next to pregnancy it says "Covered the same as any other illness"

Seriously? WTF is that? Pregnancy is an illness? My friend Jenn, who was "ill" with her adorable son Jack would disagree. My sister-in-law Sarah, who is "ill" with her and my brother's first child would (hopefully) disagree as well.

I just think that is so blatantly sexist as well as annoying.

Just venting.

The Life and Times of a Vegetarian

Well, as you all know from my last blog, I am a vegetarian and have been for 10 years. Being a vegetarian is relatively easy for me, it always has been. However, other people find it highly irregular and ridiculous. This makes me feel ridiculous on a regular basis. Whether it's being made fun of for the 1000th time from my Uncle, "bawk, bawk bawk--Becky can't eat chicken." or the ever-popular "Do you want any beef, Becky?" and then an uproarious laugh about how funny it is that he/she asked me such a hilarious question. No--I've never heard that one. Then, there's the absolutely horrified looks that my grandma gives me every time we eat together, "I don't know what you eat--are you getting enough to eat?" Grandma, seriously, look at me...I am CLEARLY getting enough to eat.

Anyone who really knows me, knows that I hate the following things more than ANYTHING...
1. When someone makes something "special" for me to eat at a function. I've been doing this for a while, so I have it down...give me some salad (which is present at almost every meal) and I'll be good. Usually, when you make me something special, I don't like it anyways, and I have to choke it down to be polite, when I'd be much, much happier eating salad and bread. Leave me the heck alone!
2. People chattering on endlessly about how I am a vegetarian as I eat and commenting on everything that I eat/do not eat. Listen, I do not comment on what you eat, I don't EVER make anyone feel guilty about eating chicken, turkey, beef or whatever else you put on your plate...ever. Why does everyone feel the need to comment on everything I eat. SO. ANNOYING!

Now, let me tell you a little story...about Friday. I went to an Adviser's day at probably my least favorite restaurant in the entire world--Northwoods. If you haven't been in there, don't go. There are dead animals all around the place, but MORE importantly, they kicked my brother out of there once and he had to press charges against them.

Okay, so anyways. I went to Northwoods for Advisers Day. First of all, let me tell you that I am also trying to do a low-carb diet, so this makes things even more interesting. First of all, there were doughnuts, from Munster Doughnuts...AkA best doughnuts EVER. I passed, I didn't get a whole lot of flack for that. Then, the waitress comes upstairs and takes our order. They only have a side salad as a vegetarian option. So, I say...very calmly, very casually, "I'll just have the salad." Everyone looks at me aghast...WHAT?? I just want a salad? Then, I have to have the awkward, yet inevitable "I'm a vegetarian" conversation, which usually ends in people looking away awkwardly because they don't know how to respond.

The food comes 1-2 hours later, and then it sinks in for everyone that I really am a vegetarian. I eat my side salad and I am done 100 years before everyone else, so I go to get my chair massage (awesome? right!). When I come back everyone says, "Don't worry Becky! We got you a plate of rice and veggies!" Everyone looks exceedingly proud when they say something like this to me! It goes right along with "I made you vegetable quiche!" or "I made you a special casserole!" I hate this. Now, on my plate I have broccoli, carrots, corn and rice. Because of the low-carb thing, I can only eat the broccoli and some of the carrots. I can only eat two of those items, so then I look like a huge jerk, because they ordered it "special" for me and I only eat a little bit of it. GOODNESS!! So then, I have to hear about that. Finally, they have dessert, which I ALSO can't eat...so I looked like a huge idiot all day long, because it's not like I weigh 110 pounds and people are like "Oh, she just eats healthy." that's not the case. It was bad.

I can only imagine the chaos that will ensue when I have to say to people, "I don't eat meat--except for humane, cage-free, animal welfare approved chicken that I have to order specially through local farms." I'm thinking I may just stick with the "vegetarian" angle for occassions such as these.

I have, however, made my decision--I will be eating chicken and we have placed an order through two places, one a local farm in Illinois that sells organic, cage-free "certified humane" chicken breast that delivers to your doorstep and the second, an organic co-op that has a pick-up point once a month.

We'll see how it goes! :) I'm feeling better about my decision, mostly because I've actually made a decision.

I have also lost 6 lbs so far on Atkins, and I feel good! :)