Weight Check

I was all ready this morning to write a post about how Easter screwed me up, I even had a title ready to go "Damn you Easter Bunny!" (Catchy, huh?)

Well...I AM DOWN ANOTHER 1.2 pounds :)

Total of 7.8 :)

Pretty excited about it.

The Kind of House I want to have...

I'm always reading, and watching. I read...way too many blogs...every day. I read what people write about their lives. I check facebook continuously, I look at the pictures and the videos that people post of their children, of their families. They are always inspiring and they challenge me to think about what kind of world do I want to create for my child, for my future (hopefully) children. How do I want them to remember their childhood? How can I facilitate that?

When I look back at my early childhood, my life was filled with fun, games, food, friends and family. I had 3 siblings, which was awesome. My house was always one of the places that people gathered (when we were small, when we were teenagers it was a different story), so I remember all my cousins being at my house, all my friends always wanting to come over because we had a pool, a swing-set and an awesome clubhouse. My mom always made Rice Krispy treats and kool-aid for us when we got out of the pool. I remember vacations, parties, birthdays and holidays being the highlights of my childhood. I want to create that atmosphere for Finn.

Sure there were fights, there was teasing, there were bad times, but when I think back most of the bad things disappear and I remember happiness, laughter and fun in my house.

I want the holidays to be magical for Finn, I want his birthday to be the best day of the year, I want life to be full of baking, messes, books, toys, imagination and magic for him (and for any future little Hoyles). I hope that I can make this happen for him, he deserves beautiful, happy memories.

My second Favorite part of the day

So, I've already told you about my favorite part of the day, which is putting my little man to bed at night. I'm feeling really REALLY sad because tonight is the first night (and honestly, probably the last because I don't know that I can do this again) that I won't be putting him to sleep. I'm at school, and I really am slightly angry that I'm here and not home with him...but I digress.

My second favorite part of the day comes at the exact opposite time of my favorite part of the day. It's Finn's early morning feeding time. Finn has been going about 7-8 hours between feedings for the first part of the night, and then 3-4 hours between feedings the rest of the time. That early morning feeding (between 4-6 am) is when Finn wakes up, and I stumble to pick him up. I pick him up, he stretches (I LOVE that), I bring him into his room and change his diaper. Every. single. night...he smiles. It's so beautiful. Every night it makes it worth it to wake up at 4 am...seriously.

I take him in the other room so we dont' wake up Randy, and I put something stupid on tv and I nurse him. After I change him, and nurse him, I take him back to our room and he lays in bed with me, in my arm. And it's wonderful. He falls asleep looking at me, and I fall asleep looking at my beautiful boy. It makes me so happy. He sleeps so soundly when he is next to me. Some days I sleep soundly too, other days I just look at him, and think about how incredibly lucky I am to have this little boy in my life.

It's fantastic.

I am exceptionally upset about this today, because I miss him so much right now, and I will not be away from him again when I have to put him to sleep. I just will not do it.

One Lucky Boy

My boy is one lucky little man. He is loved by so many people. Randy and I were talking about how to improve our relationship, and we brought up a "date night." We were lying in bed, just talking, and Randy brought it up. Both of us were a little bit quiet...and I said, "well, I don't want to leave him every week." and Randy (very quickly) chimed in "me either." So we talked, and brainstormed.

We both decided we don't want to leave Finn each week to spend time alone, because he's awesome and fun, and we like spending family time together.

So we decided that we will do a "date day/night" each week, every other week we will go out someone alone, and every other week we will go out and do something as a family.

I'm just so glad that we both feel the same way. Finn is never a "distraction" he is never a "burden" and he is never ever something we want to get away from. I hope he knows that we wanted him so badly, and continue to love him so much that we can't bear to spend any more time away from him than we have to.

You are so loved my peanut. :)

Weight Update

Just a quick update, because I said I would (not because any of you care). I weighed in this morning, and was down 3.3 lbs, which makes a total of 6.6 lbs. :)

I rock.

My favorite part of the day...

My days, from the outside looking in, appear pretty mundane. I often get text messages from a variety of people that say something to the effect of "I wish I didn't have to go to work/school/jury duty/whatever...and I could stay home with you and Finn and just hang out." I like getting these text messages, but I don't do a whole lot of "just hanging out" when I'm at home. The days can sometimes get really long, and really exhausting.

I try to cook dinner every weeknight, I clean the house at least one a week, I try to work out every day (this week 6 out of 7 days), and play with my little one, and read to him, sing to him, put him to sleep, and lots of other things with him, but ONE thing that I do every day is my absolute favorite, because I know that in 10 years, or 15 years I won't get to do it anymore.

I absolutely love putting Finn to sleep. We have a small, sweet, routine each night. First, I nurse him (if you were to look back about a month ago, you would NEVER have thought I'd actually enjoy nursing him, but I do), which is a sweet, quiet time that only him and I will ever share. Then, we go into either his room or my room and we read one book (or more if we're extra awake). Lately, he's been enjoying Good Night Moon. After that I sing him "You are my sunshine" at least one. He usually smiles at me while I do this, or looks up dreamily at me. If he's not tired yet, I sing "Lord I hope this day is good" to him, and then the last thing we do is sing part of my favorite song, "Godspeed" by the Dixie Chicks.

"God bless mommy and matchbox cars.
God bless dad and thanks for the stars.
God hears Amen wherever we are, and I love you.
Godspeed, Little Man.
Sweet Dreams, Little Man.
Oh my love will fly to you all night on angel's wings.
Godspeed, Sweet dreams."

And every night, without fail, I think to myself, "this is one of those moments--one of those moments that when I'm 80, and I look back at my life, this will be one of the best moments of my life." And it is so true. Putting my little angel to sleep, watching his beautiful, serene, innocent face is just so fun.

I know that these moments are leaving me quicker than I ever wanted them to leave me..and I'm trying to cherish each one. I think I'm succeeding with this one.

Bad Days

Yesterday was a rough day...Finn was cranky all day long, he wanted to be held all the time. Honestly, I don't mind this too much, because he is so fabulous and I want to snuggle him all the time. But, sometimes it becomes a bit much when I can't take a shower before 1 pm.

It was made worse by the fact that I had to go into school. Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy my job, and I LOVE my students...I just hate leaving my sweet baby boy. I got to school, and things were crazy...like insanely crazy. I had to meet with my yearbook students and talk about how the HELL we are going to finish this book by the end of the year. And so we sat down, and we mapped out each and every day that we are going to spend in the Pub. And, let me tell you, it's a lot. A LOT!

After that conversation, Randy called me and asked about Finn, because he was cranky. He was crying in the background. I was sad. Really sad. Like, I started crying right there at my desk. I don't want to miss everything. I don't want to miss his first word, his first steps, his first high five, his first...ANYTHING because I am at work. I want to be with him. It's hard, because I love those kids, they are fantastic...truly they are. But he is my everything.

I know it will get easier...and he'll love me. I know that my niece and nephew are great and they go to daycare, I know that there are millions of kids out there in day care and they will turn out fabulously. It's not that I mistrust leaving him with someone. We have found a wonderful woman, who is fantastic and we know that Finn will be fine with her...BUT, I don't want to leave him. I know that he will be good, but it's me. How pathetic is that? I don't want to miss it. I don't think that he'll be upset if I miss his first step, but I will be inconsolable.

I don't know if the stay-at-home mommies of the world realize how incredibly lucky they are. I know that I am incredibly lucky that I get to stay home for these first 6-7 months, because not a lot of mommies even get that opportunity. I'm grateful that my husband and I made the decision to make it work because it was the best thing for Finn and the best thing for me.

Any suggestions about how to deal with this would be appreciated?

P.S I love when people comment on my blog...I'm just saying...no pressure.

The Flab

Alright guys...I have decided that in order to hold myself accountable, I will write about how much weight I have gained/lost throughout the week...because this flab I gained throughout pregnancy has got to go. Like, it's been fun flab, but it's time to get out of here. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here...okay that's enough.

Sidebar: I am NOT in any way complaining about being pregnant. In fact, it really bothers me when people complain about gaining weight, their bodies, or pregnancy in general. Pregnancy is a blessing (especially when you are actively trying to get pregnant) and people should be ecstatic when they are carrying healthy, precious babies in their bellies. I have a friend that has been trying to get pregnant for FOUR years, and she would be a FANTASTIC mother. I know that she wouldn't complain about "feeling fat" or "being crabby" when she gets pregnant. And anyone out there who is wondering...I would keep "The flab" forever if it meant I got to keep my little guy. He is amazing. Just to prove it...I will provide you with a photo.

Totally worth it.

Now, let me preface this by saying that I was not your typical pregnant woman. I was not like "I need to eat healthy throughout my entire pregnancy"...sure, I felt like that for the first, I wanna say, 3-4 months. THEN, the cravings (Or just the thought process that was like "I'm gonna eat whatever the hell I want...WHENEVER the hell I want") took over. IT. WAS. AWESOME! Seriously, I would be like "I want 2 entire chocolate bars (or 5 whatever...), I'm pregnant!"

This was great during my pregnancy, honestly, it was awesome. I loved me some cheese fries, movie popcorn, Sprite, Salt and Vinegar Chips, ice cream...and 10,000 other things. But, I don't think my body loved it as much as I did. In fact, I know it didn't. How do I know this (you may be wondering)? Because I have this FLABBY gut now as a reminder of the chocolate bars (mmm...chocolate bars), cheese fries, cheeseburgers, chips, and other delicious goodness. The flab is NOT delicious. It is also NOT good. It is disgusting. I went back and forth about whether I should take a picture of it and post it. It went a little something like this...

Becky #1: You should post a picture of the flab.
Becky #2: Umm....what? You haven't even let Randy see the flab in real light. It's nasty.
1: C'mon it's a part of the process
2: You're an idiot.
1: How about a front view?
2: Have you seen the front view? Because I have, and it is NOT good.
1: Side view?
2: Even worse.
1: Well you need to post something...pictures are interesting.
2: Okay...I'll go with a close up of the millions of nasty stretch marks that adorn my belly.
1: Sold.
I know, it's not a great picture...but, I did that on purpose. Just believe me, it's gross.

So anyways, back to the flab. It's really gross. It is like a pooch in front of my stomach. I had to go buy new pants, because my flabby tummy won't fit into the old ones. Well, they fit...I mean they zip up, but the flab overflows over the top into a muffin top like you have never seen before in your life. It's CRAZY disgusting. So, I had to buy pants, and the size that I had to buy seriously slips off without unbuttoning it, but I needed them because of the flab.

It's my fault. Those chocolate bars and cheese fries are taunting me. But, let's be honest, I was still eating them after Finn came out. AND, let's be honest, I didn't really get serious about getting into shape until I was 6 weeks out...maybe. AND, let's be honest, I didn't REALLY get serious until I started weight watchers...and then I didn't really do a whole lot, and lost 4.3 pounds, so I continued not doing a whole lot, and I gained...2.4, and so I really started to get better (a little bit), and this week I lost 2.1. And, this week I've really started working out, and eating more healthy.

So...in order to be accountable to all 6 of you that read this...I lost 2.1 pounds this week.


And PLEASE believe me when I tell you...he was worth the flab, and the stretch marks, and all the other bad stuff. Totally, completely, unequivocally WORTH IT.

See?

We can be social...

So, last night...for the first time since Finn was born, we did something. Now, don't get me wrong. We have gone out since Finn has been here, we went to lunch once, dinner once (both with our respective families), people have been over here, we've been over to their houses...but this was the first time that people came over and we were really social. Bett & Mike came over and we talked, ordered dinner and talked some more.

Sure, we played with Finn (of course), and we gushed over him (who wouldn't?) but we really talked, and we even played Wii. It was really fun.

It made me have visions or our kids playing in their rooms, coming out for snacks, and us drinking, talking, laughing and having fun...both with and without our kids at the same time.

It was nice :)

It proved that we can have kids, and have fun, and have fun with our kids. It's nice to not have to leave him with someone else in order to "go out" and have fun.

Sad, but not surprising

I gained weight this weigh in. I didn't want to write it here, but I made myself. This is not surprising, want to know why...because I ate whatever the hell I wanted all week. Don't worry-I'm back on track now.