Juice, jobs and boobs.

Yeah, it's been a while since I talked about my boobs, so I thought it was about time.

Also...it's 10pm and I'm exceptionally tired, and this post is going to meander a bit.  

But, first things first.  This week has been challenging.  I have started back at school officially.  Last week was a Crier week, and doing everything was more difficult than I anticipated.  I am used to feeling happy/relaxed most of the time now; and last week brought me back to crappy times, and it was sad. 

I still don't know if it was the right thing to do, should I have come back to school, even in this small capacity?  I don't know.  I'm struggling to work with another teacher, and I'm struggling to bond with students because I'm not with them all day.  If I were to keep doing this, then that will only get more and more difficult. 

However, I love watching the kids...more than I could have imagined.  Today we made a fort, watched Up (it was a rainy day), played outside and did a lot of playing, snacking, etc.  It is just so much fun.  If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I would be doing this, I would have screamed "hell no!" but here I am, and I love it.  Randy asked me about how my day was the other day, and I replied, "Oh it was okay, today was exhausting!" and I quickly said, "but even my worst day is better than my best day last year."  It's just good, which is so great to feel after such a tumultuous year last year.

Okay, now on to juice.  I have told some people about Randy and I's 3 day juice detox diet.  We watched a documentary called "Fat, sick and nearly dead" and were inspired to try a juice detox.  So we did it, last weekend we drank only juice for 72 hours.  It totally sucked, but it helped us a lot.  It got us through the withdrawal from caffeine, carbs and sugar without too much pain, and it helped us jumpstart our new "diet." 

We have started the whole30 diet.  This means 30 days of no processed foods, no dairy, no sugar, no flour, etc.  It's basically: meat, nuts, fruits, vegetables and some seasonings/oils/good fats.  After doing the juice fast, this felt like a thanksgiving feast.  It's been (almost) a week and I'm down 8 pounds, feeling no cravings, more energized and much less moody.  Randy is down 10 pounds.  So, tomorrow is day 7, and we are both feeling pretty good about it...I'll try to update a bit more later.


Now, here's my actual blog right now.  Finn is 19 months old.  This week, I think we have officially stopped breastfeeding.  I haven't breastfed him in 2 days.  This is a strange sentence for me to write.  I have never really wanted to wean him.  It's not an inconvenience for me to feed him, it's really a joy. 

I am a huge proponent of breastfeeding in case you didn't know.  I think it's really great for you, your child, their health.  I think it's fabulous.  I had a really hard time when I began breastfeeding, and I wanted to stop and give up so many times, but I did it...and I am DAMN proud of myself for it.

Throughout my breastfeeding time I have heard a LOT of jackass comments about breastfeeding.  My least favorite...maybe EVER is "when they are old enough to ask for it, they are TOO old."  Finn has been "asking for it" by saying "num num" for 6-8 months.  It's completely adorable, and I loved it every single time he did it.

I am feeling...weird about the fact that I am done.  I feel happy and proud because I breastfed as long as I did.  According to the United States "Breastfeeding Report Card 2010" in the state of Indiana 70.6% of mothers are breastfeeding exclusively when they leave the hospital, by the time the child is 12 months old only 16.9% continue to breastfeed their child, at 18 months fewer than 7% of women breastfeed their child.

Here's the thing, I am not saying ANY of this to make anyone feel bad, I don't care how you choose to feed your child, you have to do what works for you!  All I am saying is that I am DAMN proud of myself for breastfeeding Finn until 19.5 months old.  I just am...and I should be able to say it, so I am.

I am also incredibly sad about stopping...because it means what it always means, he is one step closer to not needing me anymore.  It's just CRAZY to me how old my little man is getting, but he is so awesome at the same time.

Tonight while I was putting him to sleep, right before he fell asleep he said (in a state of lethargy and half-sleep), "Bye Gus! Bye V! Bye Mama!  Bye Choo-choo train! 

Crazy, giant, wonderful boy.  

From Mama to Mommy

This week Finn started calling me "Mommy," now I think that Finn is quite a good talker, and he has been saying Mama for...I don't know how long, probably 10 months or so.  But it's always been Mama, not Mommy.

All of a sudden, this week it's Mommy.  And it's been a hard transition for me.  Randy thinks I'm insane, he keeps asking me "why do you care?"

Here's my answer...because Mommy is going to turn into Mom, which will turn into Ma, which is basically just another sign that my little guy is growing up.

I legitimately want to be a mother who loves that her little one is getting bigger, and growing and learning and becoming who they are...but it's hard.  It's hard to know that each and every day brings Finn closer and closer to not needing me anymore, and he is so much of my life. 


It's crazy.