My Oliver...another FML.

I have two dogs. They are fabulous...seriously, fabulous!

My baby, is Ella...she is 5 years old (or will be this summer) and she is a puggle, for those of you non-crazy dog people out there (again I'm speaking fictionally since no one reads this)...that is a pug/beagle mix. She is one of the most adorable things I've ever seen, if not THE most adorable thing I've ever seen.

Then, I have Oliver. He is a beagle/basset hound mix. He is also ADORABLE! A sweet, loving boy. I adopted him from the shelter last July. We haven't even had him for a year, he's probably 2-3 years old, the vet guesses.

Well, Oliver is really sick. We aren't sure what it is. When we got him he had pneumonia...that cost a hefty $700 to get him healthy, but once he was healthy he was great, he was so loving, and playful and just great.

Then, in the winter Oliver got sick, really sick. He would yelp and howl in pain whenever someone would touch his back. He has progressively...and with a lot of treatment...gotten worse slowly.

This past week has been really bad...he can hardly get up in the morning and is crying all the time. The vet prescribed new pain medication that we haven't tried yet, but I don't want him to be a zombie either.

It's really hard because I feel like a failure. I feel like it's my fault that he isn't better. More than anything...I feel guilty that I don't have enough money to get him (1) the tests that he needs--$1600-1800 or (2) the surgery/treatment that he could possibly need $5000. It makes me feel awful. Seriously...awful. I wish I could help him and I feel awful that I can't help him like I think he deserves to be treated.

Friday, I was relatively certain that we would have to put him to sleep this week, but he seems to be a little bit better. We have increased his prednizone and his pain medicines...so we'll see how he does.

I wish someone would give me the magic number. When is it okay to put him down? When is it alright? I don't feel like it'll ever be alright for me. But, I dont' want to be selfish. I don't want to keep him here when he is in pain or if he is a zombie-dog just because I don't want to be sad that he is gone, ya know.

This is one of those moments where I wish that someone read this blog, I wish that someone could give me advice. If he is clearly in pain, but the medication helps, what should I do?

When do I say enough is enough?

-B

Pro-Abortion??? FML!

Okay...let me tell you something. There is no such thing as "pro-abortion." No one...on the planet...at least I hope...is out there saying, "I love to kill babies! Killing babies is so much fun I can't handle it!"

I have had friends that have had abortions...they described it as the worst pain of their life. No one is out there having abortions because it's fun...no one.

You may be wondering (and when I say "you" I am clearly referring to the fictional "you" who is fictionally reading this blog...because no one does)..."why is this topic on Becky's mind."

Well, let me tell you...I am in "class." Now I use the quotation marks for a very valid reason...I do not learn anything, so it's difficult for me to consider this class. Yes, I pay $1200 to come here on Monday nights and facebook chat with Chrisanne and text message Ashley, but I am not learning anything.

So, anyways, I am in "class" and we start talking about health care reform. It's a journalism class and we often talk about the big news stories of the day. Today's big news--health care reform bill was passed. Yippee, skippy.

Okay...so, I told the class...President Obama states that there will continue to be no federal funding for abortions (except, per the Hyde amendment passed YEARS ago for incest, rape and endangerment of the mother). No one listens. We are writing a story about how people feel about abortion in regards to the new health care bill.

I state AGAIN..."I don't understand why we are writing a story about this if NOTHING is changing about abortion legislation."

My question goes unanswered...I am still unsure of why, BUT he is grading me so I shut my mouth and prepare myself for all the "schoolin'" that's about to happen.

He then continues to go ON and ON about which side we want to write about "pro-life" or "pro-abortion." My heart is racing and I can barely contain myself at this point...seriously...? Did he REALLY just say "pro-abortion"? That's not BIASED or anything!!!!

Yes, he did. I raise my hand. I say I would like to report on "pro-choice, because no one is really pro-abortion" hoping that all the people in class get my point.

Guess what? They didn't. And he. said. it again.

So, this time (in case you don't know this based on (1) knowing me or (2) reading this blog I am a liberal...and I am a firm believer in a woman's right to choose what to do with her own body)...I say...a bit louder...there's no such thing as pro-abortion, no one is for abortion. And...no one even acknowledges me.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!???!?!?!?

F.M.L!!!!!

Week from hell

This week...it's not going to be good. In fact, it's going to be bad. I will tell you more about it tomorrow...but it's not going to be pretty. I don't even have anymore time to write in this blog.

FML.

94 more days

93 more days...until the end of the school year.

Normally (and, I say that with very little other experience, I've only have one other year), I get a little bit sad at the end of the year; however, this year has been long and arduous. I will be glad when it's over.

I am just so tired of being tired. I don't know what's wrong with me but I am ALWAYS tired. I feel like I may need to ask a doctor about this. I get enough sleep...almost every night. I exercise (as of late) 4-6 times a week. What is my issue?

I'm going to try to change my diet a bit to include more nutrients. I'm reading a book about how your body goes into starvation mode and that's why you gain weight/ feel sleepy. Let's give it a go.

Well, here's another update (to no one...LoL) I think we have officially changed vacation plans. Europe was going to cost us 5-8 thousand dollars. In order to not do that to ourselves, we have talked about driving to Florida for a week this summer. We could go to Universal Studios, swim with the Manatees and dolphins...it will be super fun.

However, in the usual fashion, Randy and I got into an argument about it ALREADY. We had talked about going to Florida with his friends Matt and Lisa. I am fine with this arrangement, as long as we don't have to be joined at the hip every second of this vacation. So, yesterday I made a ton of tentative plans--found a hotel with a two-bedroom suite, got information about a ton of things that I wanted to do, etc. Randy seemed to be all about this (mostly because this vacation will cost us less than $2000.

This morning, I said that I couldn't wait to swim with the manatees--he said, well, I'm not going swimming.

I was so upset, I just don't understand why he has to ruin everything. He has some body issues, but hell--so do I!

I just don't understand it ruining our vacation. I want to talk to him about it but I'm exceedingly angry about it as well. I guess I understand where he is coming from, but I also really want to experience these things WITH him! These are once-in-a-lifetime experiences and I think he'll regret it later.

This is another one of those times when I wish someone was listening/reading so they could give me some advice about it.