My Oliver...another FML.

I have two dogs. They are fabulous...seriously, fabulous!

My baby, is Ella...she is 5 years old (or will be this summer) and she is a puggle, for those of you non-crazy dog people out there (again I'm speaking fictionally since no one reads this)...that is a pug/beagle mix. She is one of the most adorable things I've ever seen, if not THE most adorable thing I've ever seen.

Then, I have Oliver. He is a beagle/basset hound mix. He is also ADORABLE! A sweet, loving boy. I adopted him from the shelter last July. We haven't even had him for a year, he's probably 2-3 years old, the vet guesses.

Well, Oliver is really sick. We aren't sure what it is. When we got him he had pneumonia...that cost a hefty $700 to get him healthy, but once he was healthy he was great, he was so loving, and playful and just great.

Then, in the winter Oliver got sick, really sick. He would yelp and howl in pain whenever someone would touch his back. He has progressively...and with a lot of treatment...gotten worse slowly.

This past week has been really bad...he can hardly get up in the morning and is crying all the time. The vet prescribed new pain medication that we haven't tried yet, but I don't want him to be a zombie either.

It's really hard because I feel like a failure. I feel like it's my fault that he isn't better. More than anything...I feel guilty that I don't have enough money to get him (1) the tests that he needs--$1600-1800 or (2) the surgery/treatment that he could possibly need $5000. It makes me feel awful. Seriously...awful. I wish I could help him and I feel awful that I can't help him like I think he deserves to be treated.

Friday, I was relatively certain that we would have to put him to sleep this week, but he seems to be a little bit better. We have increased his prednizone and his pain medicines...so we'll see how he does.

I wish someone would give me the magic number. When is it okay to put him down? When is it alright? I don't feel like it'll ever be alright for me. But, I dont' want to be selfish. I don't want to keep him here when he is in pain or if he is a zombie-dog just because I don't want to be sad that he is gone, ya know.

This is one of those moments where I wish that someone read this blog, I wish that someone could give me advice. If he is clearly in pain, but the medication helps, what should I do?

When do I say enough is enough?

-B