Love

Sometimes I wonder if my parents felt the same way (about me) that I feel about Finn.  It's difficult to conceptualize that someone loves me as much as I love him.  That they would do anything for me, even if that meant that they wouldn't do something because they wanted to make sure that I would learn a lesson, or learn to do something, or even just to learn that life isn't always easy and perfect.

I think you realize so much more what your parents did for you when you have children.  What they did right, and what you want to change, but the love is the same. 

I have to believe that my parents looked at me as a child and thought "wow, she is beautiful, I can't believe that we created her."  I think that on a daily basis. 

The fact that I love Finn so much, has forced me to look at myself a bit differently these past few weeks.

Randy and I did Whole 30, and much like every diet I am on, we failed.  I haven't eaten meat in almost a week, and I already feel better about life.  Eating meat was such a difficult decision for me, and I feel like I should have done this months ago.  I am not saying I'm eating "clean" or "healthy" or even well, but I feel more like me again. 

I have such a hard time looking at myself these days and finding anything that I like about the way I look.

Yesterday I was at school, and went to the bathroom, and they have a full-length mirror in there (which, under normal circumstances, I am morally opposed to). I looked at myself, and I thought for a split second, "I hate my body."

But then...apparently I was feeling rather philosophical...I thought to myself that body created Finn, and it birthed him and fed him for 19 months...and it's pretty fucking awesome.

So, while I am trying to eat a bit healthier, and trying to do Jillian Michaels (I hate that bitch btw) 5 days a week...I am also going to try to remember that while my body isn't perfect, it's doing it's job...and I'm happy with that.