Thirty is the new twenty

This weekend I turned thirty years old.  Years ago, thirty seemed so old to me.  It seemed like an age where you sat at home, didn't do anything, didn't have any social life, and were basically boring.  This was probably during my stay-out-until-4 a.m-every-night phase where I couldn't imagine life without booze or dancing with random boys or my girlfriends.

Things change.  They change so quickly.  They change so wonderfully.

Ashley got me a card for my birthday and sent it to me in the mail.  In it (I'm at school, so I don't have it right next to me), she wrote something to the effect of...

"I would make fun of you for being old, but honestly I've never seen you so content and happy with life before."

And if that's not true, I don't know what is. 

If you asked me at 21 what my life would be like when I turned 30, I would have jumped in with an answer...my answer would have looked like this:

"When I am thirty, I will be living in Chicago. I will be married (depending on the moment I may have even said to Randy).  I will be working at a law firm and possibly thinking about children in the next 2-3 years.  I will be vacationing often, spending time with my friends, and generally having a great time."

Where am I though?  Where did I really end up?  I ended up doing a lot of things that I didn't think I'd do, and I am so glad that I did.  I am not a lawyer, and thank God for that.  I am not living in the city, and thank God for that.  I am not vacationing often, and I am not spending a ton of time with my friends, but I am still have a great time. 

Life is so much better than what I imagined it to be.  If you told me that staying home, playing dinosaurs, being a monster, and playing hide-and-seek with anywhere from 1-6 kids is what I would love when I turned thirty, I would have looked you straight in the face and laughed.  It just shows you, that no matter what you think you know at 21, you are going to change.  It might not be in such an extreme way, but things change, priorities changes, expectations change.   

I'm not saying that everyone will want to stay home with their kids, and I'm not saying that my decisions are right for everyone.  What I'm saying is that my decisions were right for me.  My family, my beautiful little family, is right where I belong right now. 

So, am I sad to turn thirty?  Not at all. Not even one little bit.  Thirty is going to be amazing.  This is the year that I get to meet my second son.  This is the year that Finn turns 2, and he gets even more amazing than last year.  I'm pretty damn excited about it.

To the asshole that stole my wallet....

Dear asshole,

I hope it was worth it to steal my wallet...while I was eating dinner with some of my best friends. 

I don't care that you essentially charged over $5000 to my credit cards.  I don't care that you did that, I honestly don't care.  

I am the dumbass that kept my social security card in my wallet, I am the idiot who had my son's birth certificate in there.  I am the one who left my purse open underneath my seat.  I am not saying that I didn't make mistakes.

However, I am most angry because underneath the rewards cards, the credit cards, the IDs, the Sam's club, the health cards; underneath those things were some things that were more important to me.  They were worth more than some stupid credit cards, or some things that can be replaced.  

I had pictures in my wallet.  Pictures that can't be replaced.  Pictures from when Randy and I were dating...specifically a photo strip of pictures from our first weekend away in Milwaukee.  We took them at a rest stop on the way home; and we were so happy, and so young, and so skinny, and so in love.  Sometimes, when I'm mad at him, I look at that picture and it makes me remember.  It is priceless.

I also had a list.  This list is important to me on so many levels.  My grandfather, who is 96 years old, once gave me a book.  This book listed several pieces of advice, my grandpa underlines one piece of advice.  "Make a list of 25 things that you want to do before you die.  Keep it in your wallet, and refer to it often."  I made this list, I made it probably 15 years ago, I bet my grandpa doesn't remember even giving me the book, or underlining that passage, but I remember and I loved that list.  Some of you may have seen it.  It's been in my wallet for that entire time, except it's frail...it's a paper that has been with me for years.  It has been written on, things have been crossed out, dates that I will never remember were written on there, items that were written on there that I will never remember dates for.  Out of everything that was taken, this is the item that hurts me the most.  The fact that I will never see that list again, the fact that someone probably just threw it out, when I would have paid twice what they stole to get it back, all this makes me so incredibly sad and angry.  That list was priceless to me.

So fuck you dude.  I hope they catch you, but mostly I hope this never happens to anyone else, because aside from the drama, aside from the inconvenience, it's scary to feel vulnerable like that.  

Sincerely,

Becky

Mini Heart Attack

This past week has been a really long week.  It was a Crier week, which means late nights, and just an overall busy week.  I've been bitching about it more than is socially acceptable, so the universe thought that it would throw me a "fuck you" right back to me yesterday.

Jor's kiddos were off of school, so instead of 3 little kids, we were playing with the 3 littles and 3 "bigs" all together.  It was kind of warm, so we went outside for a few hours in the morning before lunch.  We were playing soccer and having fun (Adler and I were winning, just saying).  I went inside to pre-heat the oven to make lunch, and came back outside.  A few minutes later, I started corralling everyone inside to get everyone ready for lunch.

In the mayhem of getting six kids inside, I told the older ones to put away their boots.  Their boots go in the dog's room.  Yes...Jorie has two gigantic dogs, that are generally incredibly easy to deal with.  So, while I had all of them inside, I ran back outside to grab a few toys that we forgot to put away, and get Genevive  and Finn inside (the stragglers).

In the span of about 35 seconds, Gus came outside to ask for a snack, and somehow the two giant dogs got out of the house and sprinted their asses down the block.

I start literally throwing children into the house to chase the dogs down the block.  I then chase the dogs two houses down, screaming their names.  I have no way to grab them, or lure them back.  So, I run back in the house and start yelling "where are the treats? Where are the treats?"  All six children look at me...completely apathetic and slightly confused about my excitement...like "what are you talking about crazy lady?"

I tell Finn to watch the little ones, grab a box of lucky charms and sprint my pregnant; non-running ass down the block crying and praying that the dogs will come to me.

Now, thank God...they came with me, and everything was fine...but seriously HEART ATTACK!

This song is for you...

Okay, so...maybe some of you don't know this about me.  I really love movies, and I really love awards shows.  So does my dad.  When I was younger, we used to have sheets where we used to bet on who would win, and we'd sit and talk about who wore what, and who said what, and what speeches we loved.

With that being said, I love watching the Golden Globes and the Oscars.  Last night, the Golden Globes were on, and I broke my "no television" rule and turned it on while Finn was awake.  I watched part of it, and then fell asleep with Finn.  This morning, I practically ran to the computer to catch the "best dressed" lists, who won, the snubs, the surprised, and the clips.

So far, my favorite thing I've seen is Jodie Foster's acceptance speech for her lifetime achievement award.  Now, I love that she officially "came out" and felt comfortable and that's great.

However, she said something that  resonated even more...she said to her two sons (which becomes more and more real to me every day, that I will (probably) have two sons soon) the following:

"Our amazing sons, Charlie and Kit, who are my reason to breathe and to evolve, my blood and soul. And boys, in case you didn’t know it, this song, all of this, this song is for you.”

I thought it was amazingly poignant.  And I don't know any mothers that don't feel this way about their children, once they are born life completely changes and revolves around them.  It's all for them, every breath, every step...everything.  

Randy and I spent our 4th anniversary at the Field Museum, having the time of our lives watching Finn have so much fun with his cousins, and seeing the "real" dinosaurs.  

In my head, this was much more articulate, and beautiful, and moving.  But, I just wanted to write it down.  Someday, I will write about this quote in an email to Finn's email address, and baby #2's email, and maybe even (down the road) baby #3 or #4's email.  

Because...Finn and no-name baby...you are my reason for living, and "all of this...is for you."

Still around

Hi!  I am still around.  I had a good friend tell me that they missed my blog, and it made me feel really happy.  Like, REALLY happy.

I have been doing so great lately, having fun, being happy.  That sometimes I just feel like I'm boring the world, and I don't "need" this space, like I felt like I "needed" it last year during some dark times.

But, it makes me happy to keep people updated, especially if they care...so here goes.

A few random updates.

1.  I am PREGNANT!  And so excited!  We are 14 weeks along right now, and so far, things are going well.  I have felt a lot more tired, a lot more sick this time around (in fact, I actually lost a pound at my last doctor's appointment, because eating is so annoying right now), but overall doing really well.  We can't wait to officially find out what this little one is in a few weeks, but we are feeling very boy-ish.  Mostly because at our first-trimester screening, the ultrasound tech told us that she thought it was a boy :)

2.  Christmas was amazing.  I can't even explain how much fun it was.

3.  Work and life are...just good.  Seriously, I mean I am tired a lot of the time, but overall, I am exponentially so much happier.  It's truly ridiculous.

4.  Finn is going to be two years old...in like 2 weeks.  Isn't that crazy?  And wonderful?  And scary?  And 50,000 other things?  Yes, yes it is.  I am in the throes of party-planning, and trying not to go WAY too overboard (like I did...maybe just a little bit...last year).  Simple, fun and still classy is what we're going for...."dino-chic" lol.

5.  I just finished our "Hoyle 2012 yearbook" and one of my favorite things that I put in it was a list of the 13 coolest things about Finn this month.  They are technically from December 2012...but they are totally still relevant, I could even add more if I wanted to...like the fact that Finn said "Get it together soup" to his soup while he was eating dinner tonight.  The kid is just awesome.

The top thirteen coolest things about Finn Harper Hoyle this month

1.  Finn is absolutely obsessed with dinosaurs.  He can identify T-rex, stegosaurus, pterodactyl, triceratops and various other dinosaurs.  He also knows that a t-rex has "sharp teeth" and "sharp eyes" and that it eats "meat" and that makes it a "carnivore".  He also thinks that it also eats "milk" which is hilariously awesome.  

2.  When he sees pictures of baby animals he says "so cute" in a high-pitched voice and gets so excited about it.  

3.  When Mommy or Daddy asks for "smoochie-poos" he gives them and says "moochie-poo."

4. When he is upset, or thinks Mommy is upset, he strokes her cheek and says "I know, I know" (pronounced "ee know ee know").  It is the cutest thing in the world.  

5.  He is literally the smartest child we know.  He knows all of his colors, counts to 10, knows various shapes and letters.  He also speaks in complete, articulate sentences.  Everyone thinks he is so smart, but Mommy and Daddy more than anyone else.  

6.  When Finn is excited about something, he clenches his fists and says "I so excited!" in a high-pitched voice.  

7.  Goes potty all by himself all the time, every single time.  

8.  Has perfected "please" and "thank you" and Mommy and Daddy don't usually have to tell him to say it.  

9.  Says "I love you Daddy" and "I love you Mommy" when the mood strikes, and responds when we tell him we love him.  He also says "Oh, good morning Mommy, good morning Daddy"in the sweetest voice you've ever heard. 

10.  His current favorite book is A Fly went by, and he knows a lot of the words, and says them with whoever is reading it to him.  

11.  Loves his family, whenever we ask him where he wants to go he will say "Papa Gma's" or "See Babanoosh & Grandpa" or "See Ava and Grant or Nay-Nay" or see "Baby Clark, Aunt Betty, Uncle Mike" or "See Ashley and Manu" or "Go see Courtney and Eli."  We love that he loves his family so much.  

12.  He can identify all the various types of cars (Big truck, dumper truck, digger, bulldozer, ambulance, fire truck, train, caboose, freight car, and so many more).  

13.  He is so excited to be a big brother!  Right now he thinks he's having a baby brother, but earlier he thought it was a baby sister.