So, I know that everyone (and by everyone, I mean the 3 of you that read this blog on a regular basis) knows that we had to put Oliver down last Thursday. It was horrible, and worse than I anticipated and I feel like writing/talking about it at this moment...so, I'm going to.
Randy and I (well, actually at this point...just me) had been crying on and off all day. Randy had to leave work early and come home and dig Bubba's grave in the backyard. I went and got him ice cream and even gave him some chicken. It was a terrible day, like really terrible. When we had to leave the house, he had been lying in the backyard in the grass and I had been taking about a million pictures of him. But, it was another moment that I knew we were doing the right thing. He was in pain, and all he could do is lie down in the grass, that's not what he wanted to do.
So, we got in the car and drove to the vet. Randy went in and I stayed outside with Bubba so he could smell the grass in front of the vet (which used to be one of his favorite things), and he did for a moment, and then just kind of fell into the grass and was sleepy. So, I picked him up and brought him in with me. Randy had already paid and talked to the vet, and I was (of course) crying like a crazy person at this point, so everyone was looking at me and feeling sorry for me. I placed him on the table, and he just laid down. It was heartbreaking. Randy came in and I just kept talking to Bubs, telling him how much I loved him and how sorry I was that we couldn't save him and how much we had really tried to help him and how I hoped he knew how loved he really was.
The doctor came in and talked to us a little bit, explaining what was going to happen. He was very nice and very helpful. He said that he was going to give him the first shot, which was a sedative, and then the second shot, which actually stops his heart. He said that the first shot can be a bit painful, but he didn't know if it would hurt him becuase of all the different pains he had in his back and legs. I knew that that would make it worse, because he's on so much medicine and he is still in so much constant pain. The first shot made him howl in pain, and I really thought Randy was going to lose it. So, the doctor let us have about 5 minutes with him. We talked to him, and cried and overall it was terrible. His tongue was out of his mouth, just hanging there. I can't remember the last time I cried as hard as I did at that moment. Then the doctor came back and gave him the second shot and waited for him to pass. Other than the cry of pain for the first shot, it seemed peaceful.
It was also horrible, the doctor was awesome. He told us that it was the right thing to do, and that a dog is only happy when they can run and jump and play, but that didn't make it suck any less. He gave me a big hug and said how sorry he was when we left. I think it was mostly because I cried like a maniac the entire time.
Randy brought him to the car, and then when we got home placed him in his grave in the backyard in one of his favorite places. The hardest that I cried was when I looked at him, wrapped in his favorite blanket, with a bone in that hole. Knowing that that was the last time I would ever see him. It was really hard for Randy to bury him, he was beside himself. We cried and cried all night long. I thought it would certainly get better the next day, but even now there are tears shed every day when I think about him. I am just so sad that we couldn't help him. He was truly a great dog, and we still miss him terribly.
With all this said, I know that we did the right thing for him. He was in terrible pain. I also know that even though it was horrible and awful, I am so glad that I was in the room with him when he died, he deserved to not be alone. He deserved for us to be there.
We love you Bubba, and we'll never forget you.
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