The Best Summer Ever

Teachers are very into summer. And why wouldn't we be? We get to catch up on our life, hang out with all of our teacher-friends (which, in my case, is almost everyone), and hang out on the beach, at the pool, at summer fest, downtown, and a thousand other amazingly, wonderful things.

If you had asked me a few months ago, "Beck-what was your best summer ever?" I would have answered quickly, easily, "the summer I turned 21." That summer was amazing, it was spent with my three best friends Jenn, Kathy and Brandy, lots of boys, and lots of family time. We spent Tuesday-Saturday night at the bars, we switched of "DD," and each night we would come home from our summer jobs, sleep until 9 pm, then get up and shower. We were out every night until bar closing, drinking, flirting and having fun with each other. I went to work...more times than I am proud of completely hung over, once didn't show up to work. We (felt like we) were celebrities at the bar. One particular time, the four of us got all gussied up, and we went to our favorite bar of the moment. When we walked in the door, the DJ looked at us, POINTED, and played "our song" (just for a laugh--it was "Dip it Low" by Christina Milian...and yes we knew the entire dance...and taught it to my little sister too!). It was so much fun. I don't think I made a dollar that summer, because most of my money was spent on cute clothes for the bars (we very rarely paid for drinks at that time).

Well, I have an announcement. I have a new "best summer ever"...it's this one. Summer has technically just began for us, but we have been doing some really fun, wonderful things. We have been to the zoo, to the aquarium, to the park, played with our new friends--Tenley, Alexis, Genevive and baby Reagan (in utero), played with our couins Addy, Ava and Grant, and just in general have had an amazing time.

Now, obviously, this is a different kind of fun. But it's better...it's better than I ever imagined it would be. In the last week we have been to: the zoo, the aquarium, the Chicago lakefront, the park (twice), walked the bike trail several times, lunch with friends, on several visits to friends houses, grocery shopping, swimming with Grandma and tomorrow we are going to swim in the lake. Today was another perfect day. We started off playing with Addy, Sarah and a ridiculous amount of bubbles.

Then went to Grandma and Papa's to go swimming, now we're napping, and tonight we will walk over to Highland Fest.


And I get to do it all with my little peanut, my angel-boy, my little man. And it's awesome. It's so much better than drinking and partying.

What a month!

So, the last month has been, not only incredibly busy, but also incredibly exciting. My baby boy is such a big boy now. I cannot believe how many new things he has been doing yet.

He is a huge rolly-polly now. He's rolled over lots of times before this month, but now it is incredibly intentional. He rolls all over the place, and it's getting more and more challenging to change him.

He has two teeth. YES-two! And he knows how to use them (I know this from close, personal experience).


He is a grabbing-fiend. He grabs everything (including my hair), he reaches out for things, and people, and it's so incredibly adorable.

He laughs, and smiles, and plays, and is excited. He loves certain toys, and loves to read specific books (Good Night Moon is his favorite). He loves his cousins, and his Aunts, and his grandparents. He laughs for Papa, that's the first person other than Mommy and Daddy. I love that.

He doesn't like his carseat, he doesn't like being hot. He loves looking at the trees, and Ella. Ella and Finn are truly the cutest pair I've ever seen. They look at each other, Ella tries to protect Finn, Finn tries to grab Ella. It's beautiful.

He likes walks, and smiles, and his exersaucer, and his moose.

He is such a little person now.

And he is five months old. FIVE.MONTHS.OLD. I simply cannot believe it. I can't believe how much my life is changed. I can't believe how much I don't miss (at all) the way things used to be. How I think about everything differently now. I can't believe the immense feeling of dread about the upcoming school year. Dread like I've never felt before. Sometimes, I think about it and will just start crying.

How in the world am I going to leave this angel child with someone else all day long? How will I survive without him?

I know that I am so fortunate to be able to stay home for 7 months, I really do. BUT, I cannot stop thinking about how he does something new every day, and I'm going to miss those things. I can't even imagine it.

So, those are just a few things that are on my mind today.

Blah...

So, I don't know what my problem is lately, but I'm just not feeling good. I'm not feeling normal.

Don't get me wrong...life is great. Finn is the greatest joy I have ever known, and all I can hope for him is that he (one day) gets to be as happy and in love with his own children as I am with him.

But (and don't you hate the crazy people who just can't be happy? Me too), I am just annoyed. I am annoyed with (some) people. I'm annoyed with their hypocrisy. I'm annoyed with people who are unable to have relationships with me, Randy, and Finn because they have different views from me. I feel disrespected, I feel angry, I feel disappointed by people who are fake, who claim to be there, but aren't. I'm trying not to take things personally, to let them slide off my back, but I'm not succeeding. I want to scream at these people "get over yourself!" or "why do you think you're better than everyone else?" or "being there for your friends/family is more important than...." but I don't, and I won't.

I don't know another way to describe it.

But I'm annoyed with some people right now. I guess that's it.

Have a lovely day.