Finn and life.

So, the last few days have had their ups and downs.  Randy has been working crazy-long hours, and with those hours exhaustion tends to tag along for the ride.  So, when he comes home he is crabby, and he doesn't always remember to say simple things like "how was your day?" or "what did YOU do today?"

That's hard for me, I am used to giving Randy a detailed run-down of the day. But, a lot of days in the last few weeks, Randy gets home and I'm either in bed, or putting Finn to bed, so that makes the talking difficult.

And...ya know, I'm pregnant too.  So I've got all that stuff going on too...tired, listless, headaches, body aches, crappy attitude, backaches, etc.


And, Finn, oh Finn.  I love that kid so, but he is INTENSE from time to time.  He inherited a little OCD from his Mama, so he likes his clothes on just so, and his milk in a specific cup, and a certain color spoon, and things that I almost always find adorable, have been driving me a little bit insane.  And the destruction has reached an all-time high.  I've never met a child who loves to destroy like Finn loves to destroy.  He builds towers to knock them down; he makes things to rip them up.

I try my best, I really do to be patient, and accept who he is, and not dampen his spirit, but sometimes he is just downright naughty, and days are too long, and too lonely.

Yesterday was one of those days.  We were at Jorie's house until 6, and had some cleaning to do at home, and each and every thing I tried to clean up, Finn wanted to take out and destroy some more.  And finally, it was bedtime.  We fought about brushing teeth, we fought about putting jammies on, we fought about going potty.

Eventually we fell into bed (okay, he jumped, I fell).  And all I wanted was to read a book and go to sleep.  And so we read, and Finn nestled into me.  I turned around so I was facing away from him.

And then I heard his little, sweet voice.  He said, "Mama, I want to hold you hand."  And I turned around, and he snuggled into me, just melted into my body, held my hand and then fell asleep.

And I couldn't believe that I had been frustrated and on the verge of tears ten minutes earlier. I couldn't believe that I made it into such a big deal (which I still totally think was justified).  I was just so damn happy to be with that little boy at that moment.

Because it's fleeting.

Tomorrow he may wake up and not want to snuggle me while he sleeps, and while I know a big part of me would celebrate and throw a giant party, there is still another big part of me that would mourn it.  That will miss him wanting me to comfort him, and knowing how safe he is with me.

It was a good moment, and I'm trying hard to hold onto it.