MY BOOK..

I've decided that I am going to write a book, and that book is going to be called Shit you can't do while you're pregnant. It will be an extremely long book (it would actually just be easier to write the book that talks about what you ARE able to do, but I actually think that people may want to read this book when they become pregnant because it would have been a handy tool for me. I am officially beginning my second trimester today (YEA for the little nudger, aka baby Hoyle).

Chapter 1: Shit you can't eat/drink
- Alcohol, I thought I'd start with the most obvious
- Lunch mean (this does not really apply to me--but just so you know)
- Certain cheeses (like my favorite--feta cheese--it's unpasteurized)
- Pop--moreso than alcohol, or anything else, I miss pop...A LOT! This is especially DIET pop, which apparently will cause your child to have like 30 toes or something.
- Coffee (at least more than one glass, but some people choose to forego pop altogether)
- Chocolate (it has caffeine, so it's not a good choice--on a bonus note, I would rather kill myself than eat chocolate during this pregnancy, so it hasn't been a big deal for me!)
- Any type of drink that is artificially sweetened--you shouldn't have any sort of artificial sweeteners.
- Raw eggs (no batter for you!)
- Raw fish (no sushi either...again, this does not effect me, but I am here to educate the MASSES of people that read this blog)
- Hot dogs
- Pineapple, papaya and sesame seeds--I don't even know why, it just says to "avoid" these foods
- Fish high in mercury
- Unpasteurized milk
- Liver
- Over-the-counter foods that are packaged, they may have salmonella
- Shellfish
- Junk food--seriously, people say this, I get that you're not supposed to eat a lot, but all the FAKE PREGNANT PEOPLE ON TV eat junk food all the time--I have been LIED to!

Chapter 2: Shit you can't use/inhale
- Cigarettes (again, doesn't apply to me really, but the smell of it anywhere from about a mile from where I'm standing makes me want to stab whoever is smoking in their gullet)
- Any sort of drug--marijunana, speed, all the big ones, but also most over-the-counter drugs as well. This means that you are only allowed to take Tylenol as a pain killer, and only 650 mg at a time, this means that the ridiculous amount of headaches that you will be getting, which means that they will never really fully go away :(
- Bleach--this means, if you're like me, you can't clean the shower/tub; which means that you have to wait for your husband to get around to cleaning the shower/tub, which throws off your ENTIRE cleaning schedule, which sucks.
- Nail polish (unless it has no formaldehyde in it--try Revlon products)
- Nail polish remover
- Potent cleaning products

Chapter 3: Shit you can't participate in
- Indoor skydiving--I'm just saying it has come up
- Outdoor skydiving--I actually don't know if this is a rule, I'm just assuming, and I am telling you because when this conversation came up (I never said a would go) my dad yelled "Becky you're not going!" So, basically this is a rule from my dad, and I'm just saying that my dad hasn't been wrong yet.
- Go on ANY rides at the amusement park at all. Seriously, every single one says "expectant mothers" with a big NOPE by it.
- Any high-contact sports
- Moving anything around the house that weighs more than 35 pounds, now if you have a husband like my husband, that means he won't let you lift anything over 5 lbs (except the dog) in his presence, seriously, once I got yelled at for picking up a gallon of milk.


Chapter 4: Weird shit that you can't do
- Shit---no, I'm serious, there will be days when you absolutely cannot use the bathroom...and it sucks. Other days you have the opposite effect.
- As you've read in previous blog posts--you can't stop your boobs from growing.
- Stop crying
- Being irritated with your husband if he does one teeny-tiny thing wrong. Seriously, you cannot stop the crazy-bitch from coming out. It is insanity.
- Worry about anything and everything--your baby, your family, your dog, everything.
- Go tanning
- Dye your hair (completely, you can highlight, but not dye because it doesn't touch your scalp)
- Go into a hot tub--don't cook the baby
- Take a hot bath, you can take a "warm" bath, but even that scares me.
- Changing the kitty-litter, you can't do this (another fun job for the husband)
- Cleaning out reptile tanks, contact with reptiles
- Scuba diving
- Snowboarding/skiing
- Basically, anything at all that should be considered fun.


I will update this for my book later, I'm just getting things started ! :)