Dorks unite!

Okay, so if you know me...even just through this blog, you know that I am a serious dork. Like, hardcore. Not just your average day-to-day dork.

The kind of dork that saw the original Twilight movie 11 times in the theater, the kind of dork that sobbed when the final Lord of the Rings movie came out because "it's over!" The kind of dork that has a tattoo in elvish on her foot. The kind of dork that becomes a bit depressed after each Harry Potter movie/book, and after each Twilight movie/book because I can't quite piece together in my head how it's fair that Bella Swan gets to be a vampire and I don't. Or how Hermione Granger got her letter to Hogwarts when she was 11 and I didn't.

Yeah, that kind of dork.

So, I felt somewhat justified in straying away from the day-to-day boredom of my life, and delve into a little bit of vampire love.

So, Breaking Dawn has been out for a little bit almost two weeks at this point. And, I'm slightly ashamed to tell you (except, not really--I'm really pretty proud of it) that I have seen it 4 times at this point, and each time I see it I become more and more disgruntled that I am NOT a vampire, and even more disgruntled that Edward Cullen does NOT love me. Like, seriously, where is my Edward?

And, I know, I know. Randy is great. Seriously--he is. I think he's (almost) as close to Edward Cullen as a mere human can get. But, I'm telling you that Randy knows that if Edward showed up tomorrow, I would leave him. And I am 100% sure if Alice Cullen showed up...Randy would run away with her.

Now, here's what I want to talk about. Renesme. We will not even go into how stupid that name is. We won't even go there.

I want to talk about how motherhood has changed my entire life, even my view on these books.

I read all the Twilight books pre-Finn. I remember thinking (vividly) during Breaking Dawn something like "HOW COULD BELLA DO THIS TO EDWARD? WHAT IS SHE THINKING?" while she is carrying that baby. I remember being furious at her for putting him through that. At one point I threw that book at the wall I was so mad at her.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am fervently pro-choice. I still am. I think that it should be the mother's decision every time. While I may not agree with the reasons, it is not my decision. It's one of the reasons that it surprises me that I wasn't more angry at Edward, who at one point talks about tying Bella down and forcing her to "get rid of" the baby. Why wasn't I upset by that? Why didn't I support Bella making that choice?

Well...2-3 years later, re-reading the book and seeing the movie...and my views change DRASTICALLY. Now, I can't see any other option for Bella. I completely, 100% understand her love for that little baby, I understand how she loves Edward so much, and that makes her love the baby more intense.

You see how seriously I take these books? I know it's slightly insane.

But honestly, I am constantly surprised at the many ways that motherhood has changed me. Changed me in a way that I never imagined, never anticipated and changed me down to the core of my being. It's amazing.

At one point Bella says (in the movie) "it's not his choice--it's not any of yours" and I completely understand her intense love for that child at that moment.

Sorry to bore you with my dorkiness, but not really.