My growing belly, and shrinking patience...

Okay guys--this is me now, like 2 days ago (17 weeks; 4 days). GOODNESS! :) Little man is growing like crazy :) I also look REALLY tired (what the heck!)
This is me at around 10 weeks, nothing too much, but a little baby bump :)
This is me around 5 or 6 weeks, hardly anything :) I don't know what sort of face I am making...

So, I have told some other people that I would post pictures of "the belly." As of right now I only have a series of three pictures. They are 5 weeks (pre-showing), 10 weeks, and 17 weeks. Today, I am 18 weeks and I am HUGE! Seriously, like you'd have to be pretty slow to not know that I am preggo.

With my growing belly, has come yet another side effect...shrinking patience. Honestly, I am so mean. I'm mean to students (moreso than usual), I am mean to family, I have no patience at all.

Today I had to call AT & T, because they made a mistake on our bill. I seriously BLEW UP at the AT&T people and screamed at them. Just come on--GET IT RIGHT PEOPLE!!

Here's another realization I came to (I know people, one blog--one idea, but it's my blog dammit and I'll write what I want). Today, as I was watching Say yes to the Dress, I started thinking about motherhood. I have always had a strained relationship with my mom, and I think that in my head the way to "make up" for this, was to have a baby girl, and to have this fabulous Lorelai and Rory Gilmore-type relationship. So, there was this expectation about having a girl, Randy and I both kind of "expected" a girl. However, when I found out that our little man was, in fact, a boy. There was no type of disappointment (except for the fact that a little part of me hoped that it was TWINS-a boy and a girl! LoL), rather there was this new and complete sense of excitement. We bought him some clothes and some others have gotten him gifts (Jenn, Betty, my parents, Randy's parents), and yesterday...the most exciting thing of ALL...I felt him move. All of these things make me absolutely ecstatic to have our little boy. I'm in love with him already! :)

Feeling him move was so cool, Randy was sitting there ranting and raving about something that happened at work and he moved...once, twice, three times. He was either saying "daddy-stop yelling!" or "Heck yeah daddy-you tell them!" LoL.

Amazing.

Seriously overwhelming.

Love him.

My little boy :)

Hello little man!

What a weekend!

We are having a...BOY! So excited, so happy, so...many things all at the same time.
The ultrasound was intense, and so incredibly cool. I don't know that I even knew that I could experience so many flipping emotions at the same time!

It was followed by a flow of emotions that I haven't experienced in a while...I have cried like 4,000 times in the past few days...
- Randy saying (sarcastically) how happy he was to have a male heir
- At the breakfast table after Randy talked about how he hoping our baby would love reading and talked about how I would make it fun.
- Many, many more...

Being pregnant is fun, but it is also super emotional. And...I am getting huge, which scares me because I am only half-way through. WEIRD! Can't wait to meet our little boy, can't wait to see him and hold him and cuddle him, and see Randy with him.

I am so excited about our son. :) It is so much fun to say!

Love this.

Content.

So, this week was a stressful one, but also one of the happiest weeks I have had in a long time.

I am back at work, and I feel like I can finally breathe about it. I was so nervous all summer about working at Munster, and if I could live up to the expectations. Now, I am there...it still makes me nervous to think about living up to H's expectations, and everyone elses expectations, BUT I am doing it, right now. I can do it. That feels great.

Also, I am meeting a lot of new people, and while I am still a hermit during lunch, I am trying to be more open to everyone during work. They have all been super nice to me, and my hall neighbor even brought me a "happy first Friday" gift today, which was one of the nicest things on the planet! I honestly could have started crying at that moment.

Secondly, yesterday was my four month doctor's appointment and it was so cool. I got to hear the heart beat again, and we heard the baby kick and he/she was moving all around. It was honestly one of the coolest things I have ever experienced and it made this whole process feel so much more real. The doctor was like "oh, he/she keeps moving around" and I was so happy!

I hope that things keep going well! :)

Stress of my life at the moment--maternity leave

So, as you've probably seen in several of my posts...I tend to have a one-track mind. Meaning, that I'll start thinking about something and I cannot stop...at all, like ever. So, the thing that I have been thinking about non-stop for the past week or so is maternity leave.

First reason that I have been thinking about it is because I didn't know about it. I am working at a new school corporation and therefore, didn't know anything about the policy. So I've been all concerned about finding someone to watch the baby for the last month of the school year.

Well, today I was able to meet with my business manager at my new school and talk to her about my options. And, my options are pretty good. I can ask for whatever I want. So, obviously I want to take the rest of the year off. Here's the bad news...none of this is paid time off. I have 10 sick days, the rest of my sick days are banked with Chesterton...so, that sucks, huh? I can take 4 months off, but those four months are definitely unpaid months.

So, now the question is...what do I do? I think that it makes so much sense to stay home through August and then go back full time. A 6-7 month old in day care makes "Mommy" a much happier person than a 3-month old infant in daycare. That really stresses me out. But, we have to decide...can we afford it? What can we cut out in order to make it work? In my mind, it has to work. I can't possibly deal with other options at this moment in my life.


So, I've sent a frantic e-mail to the lovely woman who helped me this afternoon, and also assured me (several times) that I had PLENTY of time to deal with this problem...and I assured her (several times) that I would be e-mailing with more questions, because I'm an anal freak.

I am ecstatic about having the option to take the rest of the school year off...but, I am just hopeful that everything works out in my favor! Fingers crossed please.

Overwhelmed...

By life...trying to get everything I want done before school starts. School is like this huge, crazy deadline looming. I am so scared about it, like it makes me cry and feel sick. On top of all the stress about school, which I have absolutely nothing prepared for, my brother is mad at me, and I don't have the strength/energy to deal with it.

I can't even formulate complete sentences, that's how ridiculous I am.

So...in conclusion....
- I do not want to go back to school, I am absolutely terrified of starting at a new school, with more responsibility.
- I am afraid that I made the wrong decision and I should have stayed at Chesterton.
- I am afraid that I will never have the family I want, and I hate it.
- I wish that I was stronger.
- I feel guilty for feeling angry/upset about all of this, because I have this baby inside of me, which I want so badly to be happy and I don't want to stress because of him/her.


GRRR...

BAD DAY! :(