Last night was pretty awful. I had parent-teacher conferences, which is it's own brand of awful (for the record, I had good parents and they were very appreciative of what I do, so I'm not complaining too much about it). After parent-teacher conferences, I went back to my room where my students were still feverishly working to complete the Crier. We finished (amazingly enough) at 7:59, which was ONE MINUTE early. That has never happened before. I got in my car, and drove home. I nursed Finn and then got a phone call. From our printer. There was a problem. I had to go BACK to school.
While driving back to school I thought to myself, "I can't remember the last time I gave Finn a bath, but I'm pretty sure it's been close to a week." After coming to this disturbing realization, I've come to the following conclusion: I do too much. I need to simplify my life.
- NO more elaborate Christmas presents. Yes, Christmas is my favorite time of the year, and I love doing nice things for people, but it's just too much. If I've done something elaborate for you in the past, I'm sorry but it's over.
- No more making my own baby food and cloth diapering. It's too time consuming--and screw trying to do my best to better my child's life. Also, I am done researching milestones, vaccines, and everything else child-related. Let the cards fall where they will. And that ENT--no time for that either.
- That flabby gut I'm holding onto--I'm leaving it there, no need to worry about eating right or working out. Being healthy is just silly.
- Speaking of health--that pain in my wrist that's been there for months, it's staying there. The mole on my arm that I'm pretty sure is pre-cancerous that I haven't had time to go to the doctor for--it's staying too. The tooth that hurts, I can't take off work so I'll wait until my appointment on December 10, SIMPLIFY!
- Oh yeah, and Finn you don't need a baby book, or an elaborate first birthday party that will cost a lot of money--birthday, schmirthday. Also, those letters I started writing you to read when you are older--unnecessary; totally unnecessary.
- The house, I can't remember the last time I cleaned it anyways, so it'll just stay dirty.
- Oh, and my job, I need to stop planning lessons, and loving my students, and trying to help them because that's just too much.
Are you catching my drift yet? I take on too much, I get that; but, what do I cut out? All of these things are important. The things that are suffering are the ones that matter--the little things that make memories. I don't half-ass things, that's not me. Lately, I have been half-assing everything and anything. I hate it. I don't know what to do.
Sorry for the crabbiness, and self-loathing today guys. I know you've gotta be getting sick of it.
I completely understand where you're coming from. Sometimes it's so hard to find the balance. However, I think half the battle is realizing there's a balance to be had. At least you recognize that things need to adjust. You'll find balance and simplicity. I just know it.
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