Free to be you and me.

This is a post that I've had rolling around in my head for...a million years (so it seems), but it kind of came to a head this weekend, and well this morning (it's only 7:58 a.m.) Let me explain...

This weekend, we were at my parents house and Finn pooped (babies poop), and so we started to get him changed. In case you don't know...we cloth diaper. Well my brother was astonished that we cloth diaper (it's going on 8 months or so) and he asked curiously "Why?" I answered "Because it's cheaper and better for the environment" (two HUGE plusses to me!) and he then told the entire room that he spends only $18 a month on diapers (I spent around $80/month when we diapered that way). So then I pulled out my old stand-by "Well, I'm a hippie-freak." And everyone kind of laughed. (story #1)

Last week, my mentor came to visit me at school, and we were talking about Finn's daycare. One of my kids (whom I am not particularly fond of) said "You put Finn in daycare? That's the WORST thing you can do!" (story #2)

Yes this is a 15 year old child.
Would I ever EVER want my child to grow up to be like this child? Not in a million years.

Nancy answered, "Where did you think he went while she was here with you all day?"

How do you respond to that? How do you respond to something that plays on all of your biggest insecurities all at once. After a year of sickness after sickness, hearing from someone who supposedly respects you that this is the worst possible thing you could do to your child. Even if it is a kid--it hurt.

Then, this morning another student asked me about his daycare, and then proudly said "My mother would never send me to daycare--she would only send me to stay with friends and family."

Well yippee skippy for your mother, kid. I bet, being from Munster and all, she had the means to do so. I haven't had those means, as of yet. (story #3)


So...what's my point? Well, my point is. I didn't really understand the "mommy wars" until I became a mother, and I am telling you they are VICIOUS.

BUT, here's what I don't understand. Because I try to be overly sensitive about not offending people, I then go around degrading myself and my choices.

After we left my parents Randy said "Why did you do that?" (ie. saying I was a "hippie freak")and I said "I don't want to make other people feel bad." and he said "But you wanted to make yourself look bad, and downgrade the time you put into making that decision for him, and each decision for him?"

And I was kind of dumbstruck.

I don't want to do that. Because I'm doing the same thing that everyone I know is doing--trying to love their baby the best that they can. I'm trying to make the best, most informed decisions that I can. The fact that we are cloth diapering is something we discussed, and I campaigned for for a while. The fact that I am choosing to continue breastfeeding into toddlerhood is something that I've researched, and that Randy has researched...and we have the means to do it (honestly, it's EASIER than trying to wean him), so that's what we have decided to do.

Does this mean that if you don't do exactly what I do, I think that you're wrong? Heck no. Actually HELL NO! Seriously.

But because I respect what YOU choose to do with your child, I am going to start respecting what I choose to do with mine as well. I am a hippie (when it comes to child-rearing), but I'm not a freak. There are lots of people who parent like I do, and even if they didn't...this is what we have chosen. And, like everyone I know, that's what I think is best for my child.

I don't expect people to explain their parenting choices to me, so I'm going to stop explaining mine to them.

I don't think I deserve to be made to feel silly/crazy because of my choices. So I'm going to start with me. I will not downgrade myself anymore. I try my hardest to be a good mother, and there are days when I feel like a failure, but there are also days that I feel like a huge success. Co-sleeping, breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, doula-loving, natural- childbirthing and all.