I've got all I need...right?

On my way to work this morning, I was rocking out to 90s on 9...my new favorite station on XM satellite radio. Let me digress for a moment, 90's on 9 is AWESOME! I am so happy each and every time an awesome song comes on from my childhood/young adolescence it makes me uncontrollably happy. Some examples from the past few days:

- "No Diggity" by Blackstreet
- "Mouth" by Merrill Bainbridge (if you don't remember this song--you should iTunes it immediately, because you will and it is awesome)
- 'Things that make you say Hmm.." C & C Music Factory


Along with various other examples. Please don't even tell me that you are not impressed with that ridiculous playlist. Chrisanne--if you are reading this...THIS is the reason that we must take my car tonight, so we can listen to this rockin' station.

Okay, so anyways. I'm beebopping along to "What a man" by Salt-n-Pepa this morning and the song ends (unfortunately) and is followed by a really sappy and annoying Savage Garden song, which I detest, so I grudgingly turn the station to a more modern fare of country. One of my favorite songs is on called "Alright" by Darius Rucker (or, for those of you also from the 90's--HOOTIE!). This is one of those songs that on a bad day, or in my case--just on a day--will make me cry. I will share my favorite lyrics with you:

"Maybe later on we'll walk down to the river
Lay on a blanket and stare up at the moon
It may not be no French Riviera
But it's all the same to me as long as im with you

It may be a simple life, but that's okay
If you ask me baby, I think I've got it made

Cause I've got a roof over my head,
the woman I love laying in my bed
And it's alright, alright
I've got shoes under my feet
Forever in her eyes staring back at me
And it's alright, alright
And I've got all I need
And it's alright by me"

Over the past few hours, these lyrics have played over and over again in my head. I am humming it right now. Now, I've heard this song numerous times, and it has brought me to tears numerous times, and as usual it has gotten me thinking about life. This particular passage speaks to me because of it's traveling implications--my life wouldn't be any better if I was in France, or Spain, or Italy, or wherever...my life is good because of the people around me.

My life is pretty much exactly as I have always wanted it to be; sometimes that is a scary thought and other times that is a really wonderful thought. When I was 17 or 18 and I thought about what I wanted out of my life it was a short list, and I think it remains a short list:
- Marry Randy
- Have a house
- Have a car
- Have a job that I love
- Be able to travel
- Live modestly, but happily

I honestly can say, that I am right where I wanted to be (minus the fact that I thought I would have traveled a bit more). Isn't that scary/awesome. I don't know anyone close to me that married the person that they thought they would, and while that has worked out for them--I love Randy with all my heart and I would never trade him for anything and I am so happy that I married him.

• Randy if you're reading this--this is despite the fact that you do the following things to annoy me: don't clean up your dishes, leave your socks on the floor and sometimes forget to change the toilet paper roll.

However, regardless of this revelation, I find myself unhappy a lot of the time and wanting things that I don't necessarily need at the moment. Why is this? Is it human nature to want more?

As I sit back and look at the past days, months, and even years, I always seem to remember every deriding comment, selfish choice, broken promise, broken friendships and bad thing that has happened. Why is it so much easier to remember the bad things, then all the wonderful things that I do have?

I am hoping that little by little, with some work, I will find myself being thankful for everything that has gone RIGHT-that amidst my sadness, loneliness, and stress there is always something encouraging right around the corner.

I will start right now with a quick list of things that I am incredibly thankful for.
- Well, let's start with the obvious--XM radio; especially 90's on 9
- My dad and the fact that he really listens to me when I have a problem. The fact that he is always there for me. I know a lot of other people don't have that luxury.
- My sister Ashley--I am thankful that she and I have a great relationship and she can be mad at me and I can be mad at her and it's okay, because we know we will be fine. I'm glad that I was able to decide at a very young age that I was going to have a good relationship with her, unlike the relationship I had with my older brother and that I stuck to that.
- Randy--I am thankful that Randy knows the real me--raw, sometimes bitchy, sometimes wounded, sometimes happy; and that he loves me anyways.
- My dogs--I am thankful that someone around me loves me unconditionally and even when I'm mad at them, they still want to cuddle up with me no matter what.
- My house--this has been a long road; there have been times where I really didn't know if I could handle the construction at my house. Slowly, but surely the construction is becoming less and less apparent and the house is becoming more and more beautiful and more and more liveable. I have high hopes that it will be done and ready-for-entertaining by this summer, which makes me exponentially happy.
- New opportunities in life- I am happy that when I want something new and exciting it seems to happen. There are so many new and exciting things that I am on the verge of--and it's exciting to not know exactly what is going to happen.
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