One of the things that I have learned in my short (sometimes it seems long) marriage to Randy is that when you are married, you need to check with your husband before you write a blog about him. See, when you say something like "I'm going to write the top ten things about you that annoy me...is that cool?" It could be perceived as snotty, but if it's a joke, and you totally mean it to be funny and not mean at all--then you want to ensure that you cover your bases and he is not shocked and sad when he reads the blog. See, I'm like a marriage-therapist over here.
So, after checking with my husband (who really is great...most of the time...I swear), I am bringing to you (or me?)...
The Top Ten things that Randy does that annoy me
1. Every single night Randy lays down on the couch for like 10 minutes before going to bed. At this time, Randy takes off his socks. Why would this annoy me? Because I have to pick up those socks EVERY SINGLE MORNING! Why-0h-why can't you put your socks in the hamper? I have never asked you to (1) do the laundry or (2) fold the laundry or (3) put the laundry away...all I have EVER asked of you is to put your clothes in the laundry bin!2. Randy sings...all the time. Now, this is really funny the first million times you hear him. But he sings everything. ALL.THE.TIME! Like, if he's feeding the dogs he's sing "ELLA-BELLA, I'm getting your food out of the can and putting it in your bowl...LA LA LA!" at the top of his lungs. It is no longer amusing.
3. On the topic of singing, Randy is absolutely incapable of singing a song in his normal singing voice. If Kellie Clarkson comes on the radio--he is going to do his best, most girl-like imitation of Kellie Clarkson's voice to sing the entire song in. All of this occurs at approximately the same volume as a 14 year-old kid screaming for their mommy and daddy to pay attention to them.
4. Randy is kind of like a 5 year old child...if you laugh at something he does, he'll do it like a million more times, until you want to rip each hair out of your head very carefully so that you don't have to listen to him anymore.
5. Randy and I have been together for a long time--10 years, and we've been talking about marriage for a good portion of that time. A long time ago, we made a deal-- "I'll cook--you clean!" I'm the cleaning part, now Randy is adamant about that part of life--he does NOT clean up-at all. If he has a sandwich, he does not clean the plate. If he has a doughnut, he feels completely justified in leaving the sugary powder on the counter and I clean it up--every single day. However, Randy does not cook every day, not even close. He's cooked me dinner many times, I cannot lie. However, not nearly as much as I clean up. Just the other night, he made macaroni and cheese--for himself. I saw each and every one of those plates in the sink and I cleaned every one. My question is "Why is it that I have to clean every day, when your cooking is sporadic, at best?" Riddle me that.
6. When we argue, which--for any of you that know me--is a lot, Randy will say things to me like "You're being irrational" or "You're acting crazy." Which are, for all intents and purposes, probably completely true--however, it does not help the argument and only makes me feel dumb when he says it. I know I'm irrational--I have to deal with my irrationality every singel day.
7. Seriously--pick up your wet towel in the morning.
8. Randy does not ever pick up dog poop. EVER! He thinks it's "gross." Let me tell you, it's no picnic for me either. I'm not running around thinking 'this is awesome and I can't wait to do it again next week.' Aside from the obvious fear that this behavior will continue when we have one child (if I'm the only one changing diapers--one is the number we will have), this is just slightly weird.
9. I feel like I might get a string of "Amen's" on this one. Why is it so damn difficult to change the toilet paper? I feel like I've had that fight at least once a month since we've gotten married. I use the toilet paper every single time I go to the bathroom, YOU do not. Why do I have to tell you over and over again...REPLACE THE TOILET PAPER!
10. We made a deal once...we make a lot of deals...I let the dogs out and feed them in the morning and Randy deals with the dogs at night. Now, if Randy wasn't home or was really busy. I would let the dogs out at night; however, Randy will legitimately wake me up in the morning while he is up and rearing to go on the weekends and say "the dogs need to go out." My response...ARE YOU F&*(SC KIDDING? Why can't you just let them out!?!?!?!?
In an effort to be both diplomatic and truthful...here are the top ten things that Randy does that make me love him...a lot.
1. Fixes everything...I am speaking literally here. He can fix almost anything. He built new walls, put in floors, makes everything in our truly ugly house more and more beautiful every day.2. Randy tries...really hard. When I say to him "change the toilet paper every time you use the last of it" he tries really hard to do it, because he loves me and he knows it stresses me out.
3. Randy understands my OCD. If I say I need the bottles to be lined up that way--he just leaves them that way. I don't need to explain it fifty times, he just lets me put things the way that I want them.
4. Randy loves to plan things with me. When the kitchen cabinets were done, we spent like over an hour trying to decide what things were going to go in what cabinets. This included a drawn out diagram to help put things away.
5. Randy wants to make me happy, even when I'm being a huge jerk he wants to give me the things that I want and he tries really hard to make me happy all the time.
6. He loves my friends and is always respectful to them, and he loves my family and is always respectful to them.
7. He always cooks me something vegetarian and he never makes fun of me for bein a vegetarian...ever.
8. He lets me play Mario, even though he absolutely hates it, for hours on end! :)
9. He really listens to me when I need him to and he celebrates my triumphs with me.
10. He loves me...despite my flaws, despite my anal nature and despite my bitchiness.
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