Every day is the best day

My mom was a great mom...until I was about 12 years old. Now, looking back on this, I realize that a lot of this was my teenage angst, a lot of it was my crappy attitude. However, a lot of it was the fact that my mom couldn't grasp the fact that I was growing up, and this meant that I had to make some of my own decisions, had to live my own life, not the life that she prescribed to me. This was challenging for her, in a way that I now understand more than ever. I will probably understand more and more as Finn gets older.

However, I also think about ways that I can counteract this part of me. The part of me that wants him to stay little forever. The part of me that wants to shout from the rooftops--stay this age forever, smiling, happy, adorable, and sweet....and in my head, a small, tiny voice (barely audible) says "Please don't stop needing me....please, please, please". But, I am also a rational adult and I know my baby boy has to grow up. I also know that this is a good thing. One of my favorite books to read to Finn is called "If I could keep you little" and the last line in the book states:

"If I could keep you little, I'd keep you close to me.
But then I'd miss you growing into who you're meant to be."

So, while I've thought about packing away his newborn clothes in the last week or so, something has kept me from doing it...mostly general busyness. However, I realized this morning...never once have I thought to myself "I loved this boy more YESTERDAY" No, I love him more and more each and every day. He is so perfect (to me) that it's incredible. Each new stage he has grown into (I realize he's only 3 and a half months old, so he hasn't gone through very many stages), I have thought to myself "He is so fun right now!" or "I just wish he'd stay like this!" But with each new stage, I never think "The last one was better, I wish he'd go back." So, in a way, every day is the best day EVER with Finn. He is that much fun that it just keeps getting better and better.

I hope that I can embrace this and keep remembering, that while I helped to create this person, and while it is my job to help him learn, and grow, and value certain aspects of this beautiful life...it is also my responsibility to let him become the person he is meant to be; to believe in him, to trust his judgment (from time to time) and allow him the space to become who he is.

I hope that I can do that for him. I hope that it continues to be the best day ever, forever.

All the way from this one...
To this one...

Love you little man.