A little bit darker...

Yesterday we brought Ashley to the airport. Yesterday my sister left for 11 months. My baby sister. The sister that we brought home in a stocking. The sister who made mud pies. The sister who met Randy for the first time at the park by our house. The sister who cried her eyes out when I left for college, and who I repaid by crying my eyes out when she left for college. She got on a plane, and flew to Ireland.

The day was extremely beautiful, and the best part was that I got to see my entire family. We spent the day laying in the grass on my parents front lawn, watching babies play and learn. It was great.

I thought I was doing pretty well, until Ashley said goodbye to Finn. It just got so real. I watched as she said goodbye to her dogs Emma and Phia, to the cat, Kramer. I watched her say goodbye to Renee, Grant, and a sobbing Ava. I watched her say goodbye to Ryan, Sarah and Addy (well, she tried to say goodbye to Addy). All of that was painful enough. Then, I watched her say goodbye to my Ella, and to Finn, and to Randy, who whispered "call us first if you get arrested" as he hugged her goodbye. I teared up several times, but it still wasn't real.

I always knew I'd go with her to the airport, it was a given. So did everyone else. I think Randy would have liked to go too, but we both knew that I would be a raving lunatic, so we didn't want Finn to see me like that. As I said goodbye to Randy and Finn, Randy said to me--"you need to calm down until you get to the airport. Don't ruin the last moments."

I took his advice, we talked and laughed on the way to the airport. We got there, and went to the International terminal. All I kept thinking was that THIS IS REAL, this is REALLY happening.

As we waited in line to get her bags checked, the sun streamed in through all the windows. At one point, the clouds snuck in front of the sun and everything went a little bit darker. I couldn't help but think about that's how the next 11 months were going to feel--a little bit darker. Ashley isn't just my sister, she is my best friend. Life will go on, it'll just be a little bit darker without her.

We checked her bags, and walked her to the gates. I lost it, really we all lost it. I sobbed--out loud, without worrying about what other people thought about me. So did Ashley. We hugged and we said goodbye. I wanted her to turn around, but she kept going, she kept right on walking through security, she kept going until we couldn't see her anymore, but God knows we tried. All I kep thinking was "I am not going to touch my sister for 11 months" I won't be able to hug her, or push her, or "slug bug" her.

There are a lot of traits I hope that Finn gets from me; my tenacity, my smart mouth (I like a little bit of sass), my openness, and my 'I don't give a damn' attitude. There are also a lot of things that I hope that Finn gets from his Daddy; his willingness to compromise, his ability to love fully with his whole heart and the ability to fix everything and anything. But I hope he gets his bravery from his Aunt Ashley. While I wish that he would stay with me forever (much like I wish Ashley was here with me now), I hope he is able to have some adventures like his Aunt too.