The First (of many) nervous breakdown.

So yesterday it officially happened. I lost it. Seriously.

I started crying, and sweating, and my heart started beating very hard, and at one point I had to run to the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw-up, I even heaved a bit.

I broke down about school. I broke down about leaving my sweet baby angel. I couldn't contain the sadness anymore.

I put him to sleep, and stared at his gorgeous face, and I couldn't handle it anymore. I started working on some school work, and I started really thinking. Thinking about what I was leaving behind, and something inside me broke apart.

Now, I am not someone who hates my job. Actually, I truly love my job. I teach students, but not just "regular" students--students who work hard, who love my classes, and who actually WANT to be there. It's awesome, and I honestly love my students, I love my job most times. BUT, I have a new job now, one that is so much more important to me.

It is so incredibly hard to think about, but it's coming. It's coming faster than I think it is, and it is so hard.

Randy was wonderful, legitimately wonderful. He told me he is scared too. He told me it'll be okay. He told me I'm a good mother. And most importantly, he told me that if it's too hard I can stop. He said "if we can't do it, if it's too much--you will stop and we will make it work."

I don't know if he will ever know what that means to me. To have someone support me that much that they say if you're miserable, if you're broken--we will find a way to make it work. That is amazing to me.

Sometimes even in the saddest times, I see the beautiful things in my life. My husband is awesome.