Thursday, April 26, 2012
23 days and counting.
Yep, that's right. 23 more school days, and I am telling you I cannot wait. I.CANNOT. WAIT!
I am in such a crappy mood, like the type of mood where everything that every person I know says makes me want to jump off a bridge. It just sucks. It could be (in part) due to the fact that Finn let me sleep for a bit over 3 hours last night to make up for my night away.
Yesterday, after 36 hours straight with students we stopped at Dairy Queen before finishing the last hour of our trip. I was joking around with one of my students, and we were talking about the show Glee.
Student: "I'll log you into my Amazon account tomorrow during fourth hour and you can watch Glee"
Me: "Umm...I have to actually work during 4th hour tomorrow."
Student: "I mean how much attention do you really put into your job anyways?"
It was like someone punched me in the stomach. I mean, I know we were joking around and bantering back and forth. I get it. But I just spent an entire day away from my family for THIS bullshit. For you to tell me that I don't care about my job? Yeah, because I love going on 4 field trips a year...and spending days and days away from home so that you can learn more about professional journalism. It's awesome.
Are you kidding me? I literally did not say one more word the entire trip.
Each and every time I start the think to myself that this job is worth it, something like that happens and it's a kick in the ass to me, and it's sad because the rest of the trip was really good, and I actually had fun with those kids. We went bowling and went out to dinner, and they are just good kids.
I know that he didn't mean it in a mean way, but I can't help it. I can't help but be so damn tired of it all. Randy keeps saying to me "It's almost over...only another month" and all I keep thinking is "THERE IS STILL ANOTHER MONTH!?!?!?!"
On top of all that, I think that I may have to deactivate facebook, because I am just taking things that people say much too personally. I just feel insane all the time, and I put too much emotional energy into what others are doing/saying/feeling, when it's none of my business. I know this.
But I am just angry at the world.
Maybe tomorrow I'll change my mind, maybe tomorrow I'll feel better. Maybe I'll sleep, and be able to do laundry, and clean my house (which hasn't been cleaned in 3 weeks). Maybe I'll get to talk to my sister for real, or someone who actually wants to hear what I say, not just surface-talk to me.
I just hope this passes, and I feel like a human again. A real person who can have real relationships again.
In the words of Finn, "blech."
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Becky~I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It's so absurd what students say now to their teachers. I would have NEVER even had the balls to say anything to a teacher other than "hi" "bye" "can you help me with this problem" and "thank you". Kids are so different now and teaching definitely is different now. They don't tell student teachers about all the crap they'll have to put up with. I don't think you're the only one counting down. It's been a rough year across the board. Don't beat yourself up anymore! You're doing the best you can and it's a pretty darn good job! I mean, look at Finn~he's pretty amazing and your students and paper...don't you have award winning students and one of the best school papers? Remember the good, forget the bad, and ignore ignorant people/comments!
ReplyDeleteSee you Saturday!!!
My mommy time is staying up long after everyone goes to bed to catch up on your blog. I missed reading it! Sorry I've been away so long-- will probably be like this for the next 6 weeks or so, too.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm glad you got to sleep. Lack of sleep = taking things personally/ being 'insane'. So, you're totally normal.
I'm really excited for you, though, that the school year is almost over. I don't really have anything terribly interesting or helpful to say.
Also, it was really great seeing you and I hope to see you soon! Oh... p.s. Insanity? really? that's blech! I could never do it. I'd cry.
I cannot imagine having to get up to go teach every day when you get 3 hours of sleep or less at a time. No wonder you're insane. I'd be the next sniper on the highway if that were me. It looks like you will be a lot happier once summer comes. At the very least you have identified the problem: WORK. Lots of people feel stabby and depressed and can't every figure out why. Your problem will be eliminated very soon. As for that student, it was totally rude but they are like that now. High school students gets way too chummy chummy with younger teachers. They think they can be friends and say whatever they want to them. It's a boundaries thing. Anytime a student says a BS thing to you like that, go home, hold Finn, and tell him he will NEVER be a student like that. Beth is right: I never said anything more that hi, bye, I need help, and ok I swear I won't write notes anymore in your class (jk). I was too afraid to ever ask ANYTHING else. You just didn't go there with teachers and staff in my day. However, I am now remembering my 22 year old Geometry teacher, and yeah, she was treated disrespectfully all the time. Everyone treated her like the big sister they picked on.
ReplyDeleteThis is now a novel. Hopefully this weekend will make you feel better. As for teaching, it's such a unique profession. You go into it passionate and idealistic and wanting to inspire students and do memorable things for them, and after a handful of years, you find yourself resenting it and begging to get out of it. You're not the only one.