Ch-ch-ch changes.

Well, in the spirit of the new year, I will now talk about the dreaded, the awful...resolutions. Resolutions are something I almost always make, but rarely keep. This year, I have...a few. They are not surprising, but they are important. I mean, they are really important. I have to make these happen.

1. Fat to fit: First...I need to get back into some semblance of "shape." I have never been an athlete, but I've also never been a "fatty" either, until now. I vividly remember running with my sister-in-law one day, and saying to her "I've never been heavier than I am at this moment" and meaning it. I weighed 144 pounds, and I'm telling you I'd be more-than-pleased to be in that weight class again. Throughout high school I probably floated around 120 or so, and always felt fat. Always. How sad is that? In college, I had moments of 120s and moments of 130s. I remember getting to a size 6 at one point, and being so tremendously proud of myself. After college I probably floated around the 140s to 150s, and was pretty content with that. I also started running, and working out, and generally felt "fit" for the first time. I could (at one point) run six miles...STRAIGHT! Like, without stopping at all. How cool is that?

Let me just say, that is not the case now. I don't know that I could run a FOURTH of a mile right now. I have just gotten so damn complacent. After Finn was born, I thought to myself, this is it. I'm going to get back in shape, but I wasn't prepared for what having a child entails. I wasn't ready for the lack of sleep, for the intense, over-the-top in love feeling that I would feel for that little angel-baby, and the apathy that I would feel about doing ANYTHING other than snuggling that little one, I didn't know about how difficult breastfeeding would be, or how I would struggle with things that felt easy before. I didn't know that I would feel like that, but I did. I didn't want to do anything other than love on him. So, I let it all go. I stopped caring, and stopped trying, and let things go.

And, Randy and I have had numerous conversations about "we need to stop (fill in the blank)" Fill it that blank with eating out, eating candy, being pigs, etc. And it always sounds like a good idea, but I just didn't care enough, I hope that I do now, because I don't my eating habits to impact my child's life.

It's happening now, well, tomorrow actually. Randy and I are starting a program called fit2fat2fit. You can check it out if you want at www.fit2fat2fit.com. There is a guy who is a personal trainer, and gained 70 pounds (to find out how it felt to be overweight), and is now publishing his eating and workout plans to get back to "fit."

Who knows if this will be one of the times that I will fail, but all I know is that I need to change. I need to eat healthier, I need to be more active, and this is what we are going to try. I don't want to be back in the 120s, I just want to feel healthy again. And I want this type of healthiness to continue into other pregnancies, so that I don't have the same problems again. That's my first resolution, and it dovetails into my second one.

2. Mommy: I want to be the best mom that I can be to Finn. I don't think that I'm a bad mom, I actually think that I am pretty good at being a mom, but I also know that I let stress get to me, and forget about what's important sometimes (less clean house, more happy memories). I want to remember that this time with him is so fleeting, and that I need to remember that, each and every day. I want to keep striving to be the best mother that I can be, keep reading, keep researching, keep loving, keep learning about how to be the best mother I can be. I want my children to look back at their childhood and remember happiness, and love, and laughter and I need to make that happen. Honestly, I think I'm doing a good job so far, though there are obviously things that I need to change, some things that I can share now, and some that I really can't (yet). But, more than anything else in the world, I know that I want to be the best mom I can be, and that is what I will try to do.

3. Business: I have a photography business, in case you didn't know. Pop over there if you're bored www.hoylecunningham.com (or "like" us on facebook). This is one of my passions in life, and I am hoping that 2012 is the year that our business can take off. I don't know exactly HOW to do it, but I want to make some serious strides to make it happen this year.


Okay, so here's where I beg for help from the very few readers that I have. I am going to try to blog about weight loss once a week, with an update. If any of you want to help keep me accountable, I'd appreciate it :)